Brian's Blog

Indian Burritos

2008-08-22T04:22:00.001-05:00

Quick note, to whoever is listening: I'm in India, and
today I had some 'mutton keema' for lunch. Basically its
ground lamb prepared with a bit of spice of some kind. In
the US, I'm pretty sure we'd call this ... lamb chili.

By the way, I put mine in some roti (think really thin
tortilla) and had a lamb chili burrito. I think in India
they might call this a mutton keema kathi. But I could be
wrong.

And even tho I liked it ... I'd still love a Chipotle
burrito right about now....

L8r

Psalm 63

2008-05-25T14:45:00.001-05:00

It appears that Blogger.com took the liberty of reverting my blog format to an old version. Not sure what that's about. For now I've updated the links at left. I may get a wild idea to switch blog hosts. I hear good things about Wordpress...

Speaking of the links to the left, if you haven't heard, my brother Kyle continues to excel in the Dynamo program. I'm very excited for him!

For now, I thought I might share a Psalm that helped get me through the 3 week trip to India in February. Not that India was so bad, its just that 3 weeks is a long time to be away from my family. So one Saturday in the middle of the trip, I woke up and had Psalm 63 imprinted on my brain. I didn't have it memorized ... I literally woke up thinking 'Psalm 63'. Weird, I know.

So I cracked it open. Before I post a few verses below, a couple of notes that might help you see the poignance of this scripture for me at that particular time. 1) We Americans have to drink bottled water in India, as our digestive systems aren't used to the local water. 2) While I certainly found foods I like in India, one of the things that seemed a constant reminder of my location was the absence of the familiar foods of home. I missed my wife's cooking, not to mention Chipotle, Pei Wei, etc etc.

With that preamble, here is Psalm 63:1-5, NIV:

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

That morning, reading this Psalm, I was pretty convicted. At that point, I had not 'earnestly sought' God in weeks. And here was God, pulling me into a Psalm that related to my spiritual position, and to an extent, my physical location.

I'm happy to say I've been more earnest in my seeking of God since that trip in February. I wish I could say that the seeking was simple or that I received clear answers to some complex questions on my heart. But I believe God is faithful, and I continue to trust Him. I am very thankful that God continues to pursue me, even in times when my soul feels dry.

And I'm thankful that God is as close to India as He is to Texas.

B

No Ordinary Child

2008-04-25T21:07:00.002-05:00

S'been awhile. Namaste.

I've just put my kids to bed, and Celeste is at a meeting with coworkers. I was looking at Hebrews 11, and was interested by verse 23:

By faith Moses' parents hid him for 3 months after he was born, because they saw
he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king's edict. (Heb 11:23, NIV)

I got hung up in the middle there. They saw he was no ordinary child? What, did he glow in the dark? Did he never cry, as I've heard some parts of Christendom believe about Christ as a baby? Did Moses as a baby lift up his parents' 1940's pickup truck with his bare hands so they could change the tire? (Sorry, random Superman reference.)

How could they see that a newborn was 'no ordinary child'? I mean, every parent I know believes his/her child(ren) is (are) special, gifted, whatever. Myself included.

But perhaps that's what this means? Moses' parents saw something special in him -- as all parents do in their children -- and that perception, combined with their own courage, led them to action? I don't know. Maybe.

Father, in the name of Jesus, I pray that we would see the great things you have in store for our children, and for all of yours. And may we act, courageously and wisely, to see their potential fulfilled. Amen.

Chennai Day-Trip

2008-02-10T10:58:00.000-06:00

I know, I know, its been a week since I posted. But I have a
good excuse. Or an excuse, anyway. I've been working 12+
hour days all week!

Yesterday, though, was a very interesting day. The good
folks I work with here set up a guide to take a couple of us
Americans to several locations of interest here in the city.

First, we went to St. Thomas Mount. Now, I'll show my
ignorance here, but apparently Thomas the apostle is
believed to have come to India around 50 A.D., introduced
the locals to Christ, and was killed soon after.

On the hill where he was killed, a church has been erected.
Inside the church they have a stone that he was supposedly
carving when he was killed. The stone shows a carving of a
cross.

So we visited the church on St. Thomas Mount. In addition to
the church, there were also several great views of Chennai
up there. And there was a convenience store called 'Mount
Manna'. Not sure why I think that's so funny. But I do.

Next we drove around the city a bit. I took pictures of some
crowds and interesting buildings, but nothing to ... er ...
write home about. Hrm.

After that we stopped at the oldest Anglican church in
India, St. Mary's church. Built 300+ years ago, between the
beach and a military base. For one reason or the other, the
walls and ceiling are bomb-proof, like 5 feet thick.

They also had several books and logs, like a baptism
registry from 1817.

Next up we walked along the beach, the 2nd longest beach
in the world (behind Rio de Jeneiro).

Then we went to Sant Thome Church, where the remains of
Thomas the apostle are (apparently) buried. (Pardon my
skepticism, I just haven't researched this at all.)

Finally we stopped at a Hindu temple not far from Sant Thome
Church. I didn't take pictures there, because I was low on
cash and they charged 25 Rs (something like $.60) to take
pix of their temple.

All in all, a good time. Talk to you later,
Brian

India Part Deux

2008-02-05T10:25:00.000-06:00

I wrote the following in a business class lounge at the DFW
airport, while waiting for my flight.

Celeste and the kids dropped me off at the airport shortly
past 2 on Sunday, and I've found my way through check-in and
security, and into a lounge available to people flying
Lufthansa Business Class. Trip number 2 to India.

It is not lost on me how blessed I am that I am traveling
for a big corporation. This lounge is quiet, and has a bar
full of chips and cookies and cokes and fruit juices and
bottled water.

On one side of the lounge is a huge window overlooking the
runways on the west side of DFW, and I've seen several
planes take off an land so far, the sun glinting off the
windshields and wings. Apparently the room is fairly
soundproof because I've barely heard any airplane engines.

All in all, if you gotta travel, this is a great way to go.

On the last trip I flew American to Frankfurt, and waited at
the gate. It seemed like any other flight I was waiting for.
This trip, however, as I sit here in a Lufthansa business
traveler lounge, I'm struck by the number of people here who
are blatantly European.

One teenage boy wears glasses with very block frames -- as a
matter of fact, I see several pairs of very rectangular
glasses framing eyes around the room. Several are wearing
shoes that look a little like boots -- pointed toes, and
slight, thick heels -- but they stop at the ankle, like
someone forgot to finish the tops. A couple of the ladies
nearby are probably in their 40's, but wearing shirts that
bare their midriff. And very little makeup.

I'm from Texas; a woman with no makeup is practically
screaming 'not from here'. Four of them makes me wonder if
they've somehow snuck me out of the state as I passed
through security.

Of course, when I pass through Frankfurt and get on the
flight to Chennai, I'll say goodbye to these European travel
companions, and say hello to a host of people from India.
Their style of dress is both more the same and more
different. Many of the men look like they could have stepped
out of an office near mine in Fort Worth -- khaki pants,
polo or button-down shirts, loafers or other typically-
American dress shoes.

Some of the women will also be wearing western-looking
clothes. However, many of the ladies will be wearing two
outfits that are only rarely seen in the west -- sarees
and salwar kameez. I'll see if I can get a picture of them,
or maybe find pictures on the internet.

Truly, these trips to India are exposing me to cultures that
I've never had much cause or opportunity to notice.

Talk to you soon,
Brian

Home Again ... For Now

2008-01-26T14:19:00.000-06:00

Slept most of the India to Frankfurt flight (after all, it left at 2am India time). In Frankfurt, grabbed some kindereggs (candy eggs with toys inside) and (the original) gummy bears. For the kids, not for me. On the flight from Germany to DFW, I only slept for an hour or so.

Not sure I've written about this, but in India, all water is suspect unless its bottled water. If an American even brushes his teeth with tap water on his toothbrush, he'll very likely be sick. Or so the travel doctor told me. And since several of my colleagues have been sick already while in or returning from India, I take that pretty seriously. So no drinking tap water.

Now, honestly, that's not such a big deal ... except that it means you can't have ice in your drinks. None. Ever. I can imagine my older brother reading this and thinking, so what? But the problem is, if you order anything cold, it is typically delivered at just below room temperature. (Or 'luke cold', as my boss commented.)

So when I got on the American flight in Frankfurt, coming home, and ordered a Diet Coke ... it was heavenly. Ice in the glass. Cold can. Refreshing. Seriously.

And as a side note, I think I wrote about this already, but I've confirmed that I'm not a big fan of Indian food. I got some ribbing for a certain 'burning' experience I had at a restaurant over there, but that's ironic to me since I eat quite a bit of Tex-Mex over here. So its not really that I don't like the spice, I just am not a big fan of the flavor.

Anyway, I arrived home on Thursday afternoon, on schedule. Mostly stayed awake for the afternoon, playing with the kids. To bed that night just after 10pm, woke up at 5:55am DFW time. 8 hours, that's good, but I wished I could have gotten myself to sleep another 2 or 3. No dice though.

Friday grabbed a Chipotle burrito at lunch. OH MY. Oh yes.

I go back to Chennai this coming Friday (yes, 8 days after I returned from the previous trip). This next trip will last 3 weeks. The Indian folks I'm working with are really great, both kind and gracious. But I am not looking forward to this trip. I swear my kids grew in visible ways while I was gone for 2 weeks last time. This time I'll come back and they'll be driving or something. And my wife will be mumbling to herself, I'm afraid. Cursing the father of her children. Hopefully not, but we'll see.

More to come.
B

Notes from the Airport

2008-01-23T13:16:00.001-06:00

Its 12:30am. I'm sitting in the Chennai airport. My flight
leaves at 1:50am. A few random notes.

The whole time we've been in Chennai our group has had the
same 3 drivers. The first driver was Abdul. If Mr. Miyogi
from the Karate Kid movie were an Indian guy, he'd be
Abdul.

Second, we had Karl Marx. Nice guy, actually. I'm as
surprised as you are. (Apparently Karl's dad was fascinated
by Marx, and decided to name his son after the guy. O...k.)
Karl is a very nice guy though.

And then there's Gopi. Or as I like to call him, Speed
Racer. Each day, whoever gets in Speed Racer's car is
pretty much guaranteed to reach the destination first. Its
not that Gopi drives recklessly -- honestly, all 3 drivers
are both very nice and very safe -- but Gopi seems to have
a way of anticipating where to be in the weaving mess of
traffic.

In other news ... last night, in a fit of desperation, my
boss rejected the restaurant menu and described to the
waiter that she'd like some pasta, cooked with tomato,
garlic, onion, and lemon. And they made it. And it was
GOOD. So note to self: order off the menu once in a while.
You never know...

See you all soon.

A Thousand Words

2008-01-21T11:05:00.000-06:00

Its late, but before I hang it up tonight, here are a few pictures I thought I'd share. First, here is a 3-wheeler (basically a motorized rickshaw):

Next up, here is a shot I took of a father and two children riding a cycle. I haven't managed to snap a shot of a family including a mom riding sidesaddle on the back while balancing an infant or toddler on her lap, but this gives you the idea.
And lastly, the following boulder is called 'Krishna's butter ball', and is located near the shore temple at Mamallapuram. It rests on a very sloped surface, and yet, despite the tsunami and another earthquake in the last number of years, the thing has apparently not budged.

I may post once more tomorrow evening before heading to the airport to return home -- it all depends on how long it takes me to pack. However, I have much more to tell, so at worst I can continue the Chennai tales from Texas -- for a week, after which I'll return to India for another couple of weeks.

B

Traffic

2008-01-19T09:56:00.000-06:00

Apologies that this is only my second post. Turns out we work long days during the week, such that in the evenings I tend to drop into the sack. That's partly due to the fact that I have only slept a full night once this week. Weird, that.

The pic above is from last Sunday evening. I mentioned last time that we saw a performance? Well, those two ladies are dancing while balancing ... pottery I think ... on their heads. It really was fascinating.

The thing is, a lot of women here have developed a skill of balancing things on their heads, so as to carry them. I've seen large bags of trash, stacks of kindling or other wood, pots and bags and other things all balanced on womens' heads as they walk along the road. My boss commented that she actually saw two women who had stacked several layers of bricks on their heads!

Next up, traffic. My company rents from Avis on business trips, and in India that means you get a driver also. And its a good thing. Driving in India is like salmon swimming in a river. All the cars jockey for position, ignoring the lane stripes that are sometimes on the road, and working in and around and among one another on their way to their destinations.

Oh, but there is one other very notable vehicle on the road here: a motorized rickshaw, or '3 wheeler' as they call it. They're used as taxis, are open to the air on either side, and are about the size of a golf cart. The motor sounds like a go-cart engine (it probably is one). you probably can't look down a street and not see one. Even when we drove to the hotel from the airport in the middle of the night last weekend, they were out and everywhere.

However, while there are lots of small cars on the road here, and some mid-sizes, and of course the 3-wheelers I just mentioned, I'm pretty sure the motorcycles outnumber the rest. Its an affordable alternative for families who don't have a lot of money. They are perfectly suited for the kind of driving here, able to easily weave in and out and around to jockey for the best positions in traffic.

And besides, there's nothing like squeezing a family of four on a motorcycle. No, that's not a type-o. Over and over again, I've seen whole families on board a single motorcycle -- mom, dad, and a couple of kids all crammed on. The moms ride side-saddle, and sometimes with a baby or toddler on her lap -- pretty impressive (or perhaps scary) since many of the motorcycles don't have anything for the moms to hold onto.

It occurs to me that, between the pottery dancers and the motorcycles, there seems to be a lot of balancing going on over here.

That's probably good for tonight. Buckle up out there, kids. I'll write more again soon.

Greetings

2008-01-14T05:27:00.001-06:00

Trying this 'post via email' functionality on my blog. Hope it works.

Hello from Chennai, India.

It is Monday here, noon local time, which means its 12:30 am Sunday night in Texas.

The flights were very long, but considering we flew Business Class, I have no right to complain. The first leg on American to Frankfurt was an absolute dream, to be honest. Each seat reclined to a setting called 'flat at an angle', which just means the seat is completely flat but not level with the ground. Good enough for me, I slept for a few hours. Also watched a couple of movies On-Demand on my own personal screen, built into the seat-back in front of mine. Ate American food for the last time for 2 weeks. They gave my order of dinner to someone else, so I picked something else, and I was rewarded with a second helping of ice cream later in the flight. Like I say, no complaints there.

The second leg was from Frankfurt to Chennai via Lufthansa. The crew on the plane were very nice, but the food was sending strong signals that I wasn't in Kansas anymore. They also had on-demand movies, but only some of them were American or even in English. I think I slept 3 or 4 hours on that flight, and read a book part of the time.

We arrived in India late Saturday night, after a solid 24 hours in transit since I left DFW. Got to the hotel at 1:30am or so Sunday morning, and then slept till noon. There are 7 of us here from the US, 3 from Texas, 4 from DC. We killed time Sunday afternoon, watched ManU play Newcastle. (ManU stomped them.)

Then around 4pm we met up with several folks from India and went to see a ... well, a little show I guess. The show was in celebration of a national holiday relating to the harvest of rice. First, a group of people played a (rather lenghty) song with drums and cymbals. Next another group played, this time adding a couple of instruments (similar to clarinets), and while they played, two ladies did a dance while balancing a very tall piece of decorated pottery on their heads. This was actually quite impressive. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have balanced the pottery on my head if I were sitting still in a chair, and these ladies were happily jumping and jiving. Fascinating, Captain.

The show was in a sort of rural area outside of Chennai. Read: mosquito fest. Made me glad for my deet, and my anti-malarials. (Side note: say anti-malarials 3 times, really fast. It's funny. Well, it is at 3:55am. When you're jetlagged.)

After the show we all went to dinner at a hotel near ours. We were able to sample a lot of different dishes, curry chicken and lamb, pepper chicken, some kind of hushpuppy-like ball made from lentils I think, another lentil concoction with the consistency of mashed potatoes but big-time spicy, naan (bread), etc etc. Naan is good, btw; think deep-dish tortilla. At the end of the evening, someone ordered desserts for us to try, and one was ice cream ... but it had some sort of spice in it, so it tasted like ice cream with sage in it or something. God bless Blue Bell.

Anyway, got back to the hotel at 10:30 or so last night and crashed into bed. Woke up this morning at 3:55am, not sure why. Never really got back to sleep. Met the others for breakfast at 7:30am, and meetings started around 8:30 or 9.

I won't keep up this play-by-play thing -- the next couple of days will be meetings here in the hotel. So I'll plan to write tomorrow about general items of interest. Traffic. Motorcycles. Cows. Overturned buses. You know, stuff like that.

I miss my wife and kids. A lot. If you see them, hug them for me.

God bless, Brian

Road to Chennai

2008-01-10T23:27:00.000-06:00

So tomorrow I leave for Chennai, India (formerly called Madras, for you geographers out there). Chennai is on the southeastern coast of India, on the Bay of Bengal. According to Wikipedia, Chennai is a city of 4.34 million people squeezed into 70 square miles -- that is, the population density is about 14 times what we have here in the DFW metroplex.

I won't bore you with other stats and figures (for now at least). But suffice it to say I expect this to be a wholly different experience than what I found on my single trips to Australia and the UK.

I'll take an American flight to Frankfurt, Germany, and Lufthansa from there to Chennai, about 22 or 24 hours from here to there, including a 3 hour layover in Frankfurt. I'm told that the American flight will be somewhat more enjoyable than the Lufthansa flight, if only for the familiar food, so I'm thinking I'll mainly sleep on the second leg. So why not stay up a bit tonight and post a blog entry, right?

The trip will last a couple weeks, then I'll return home. After hearing the discussion on a conference call today, it sounds like I may not be home long before I go back. Not sure how long the second trip will be. Could potentially be longer than this one. As much as I enjoy an adventure, though ... I think 2 weeks is the longest I'd want to be there in a single stint.

After all, my wife has no interest in being a single mom (even temporarily). And my kids seem to be changing very fast now -- for the first time ever, Piper read books TO ME tonight (rather than the other way around). Granted, the books are easy readers with a handful of pages, and all the words are 3 letters or fewer, but it's still very, very exciting! And Christian is really developing a fun personality of his own. I hate to miss any of this.

Of course, my preferences don't determine how long or how many trips I'll take. There is work to be done, and someone has to go do it. And it's something new and different, which is the very kind of thing I've been wishing for and praying about for some time now. I just wish it were a little closer to home...

Ok, I'm done whining. Watch this space, as I intend to post from time to time, sort of a brief travelogue. Blessings to you.

Reading

2008-01-04T21:15:00.000-06:00

Just have to brag on my daughter. Last night I watched her sound out a word, and figure out what it said. All by herself. 4 years old. Very cool.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-26T11:43:00.000-06:00

A day late, but hey, I'm busy. Spent the weekend in Tulsa with a bunch of my family. Always a good time. Pretty wild to see the damage the ice storm did up there.

Among other things, I gave my family members their Christmas present -- the new Stefano Elliott Band CD 'Right Here', natch.

Also had an interesting conversation with one of my younger brothers about presidential candidates. I should really do more research into what these folks really stand for. Subsequently I heard about a quick online survey that will help you identify how closely aligned each candidate is with you on a number of issues. Check that out at http://kdfw.4wmt.com/cmm/

Gotta run. Hope Santa was particularly nice to you yesterday!

Right Here

2007-12-09T15:52:00.000-06:00

After several months of trips to a recording studio in Dallas, the Stefano Elliott Band has just released our first CD, entitled 'Right Here'.

If you'd like to check out the music, you can hear it at www.myspace.com/stefanoelliottband

Also, see our web site at http://www.seband.com/

FYI - a portion of the proceeds from the CD will go to Central Dallas Ministries, an inner city ministry working to feed the hungry, heal the sick, house the homeless and renew hope in the lives of those who struggle with poverty in inner city Dallas.

Happy Halloween...

2007-10-31T22:10:00.001-05:00

...from your friendly neighborhood care bears and puppies. And from Piper and Christian too.

Hot Water, and Inside My Head Part 2

2007-09-11T10:15:00.000-05:00

I saw this article today and am very seriously stunned. Apparently if a certain frequency of radio waves is directed at salt water, the elements in the water loosen so that the hydrogen will burn. Salt water is, of course, the most abundant resource on earth. So, initial questions:

If it is possible to burn water, could we eventually replace gas stations with water stations to run our cars?
If so, I wonder if this will affect the cost of bottled water ...
New terrorist attack: set the oceans on fire?
Does this mean another potential fuel would be saltwater taffy?

Of course, we can't win with this. It's only a matter of time before someone pops up with a reason why the use of ocean water as a fuel would damage the environment and should not be pursued. And unfortunately, I'm not kidding. Well, maybe a little.

****

Back in class last night. Made a few more notes. I probably won't do this every time, but ... :-)

6:10 I arrived early, picked a chair that is NOT broken, still near the front where I can hear the soft-spoken Prof. People are reading the text books quietly. I will too.
6:15 Have you ever sat near someone reading, and they moan lightly as they read? Me either. Until now.
6:20 Seriously, what’s up with Moaning Myrtle?
6:35 Class begins. Right on time…?
6:40 I ask a question about the syllabus, and the instructor answers, but his answer didn’t fit what's in the syllabus.
6:42 Further discussion and clarification from other classmates, and now the Prof stops and reads through his own syllabus. It's like he hasn't seen his own syllabus. But I’m pretty sure he wrote it. I think this is the definition of ‘Absent Minded Professor’.
6:48 He is still trying to explain his syllabus. He’s really struggling with it. I'd feel for him, but HE WROTE IT.
6:49 He’s looking back at the syllabus, confused about something he just said. A neighbor turned around and gave me a very knowing look, then said quietly, “He don’t know.”
6:52 I had trouble keeping a straight face when the Prof looked at me again, trying to wrap up answering my original question. Sometimes having funny neighbors can be bad.
7:37 As absent minded as he is, the Prof has hoardes of experience, and he really likes to talk about minute details of the business he manages. Do the details relate to the course material? Sometimes.
7:40 Interesting thing about graduate level classes. People ask a lot of questions, some of them helpful ... many not so much.
7:41 Another question from a classmate. This just in: contrary to what you've heard, it turns out there IS such a thing as a dumb question.
7:42 Not that the Prof can refrain from answering it.
7:48 Still answering the question. I'm waiting to see how it relates to the course.
7:50 Ok, I see a connection. I think.
7:51 No, I was wrong. Prof just admitted that the issue won't help us with the course. Not at all. Glad we spent 10 minutes on it, though.
8:30 Prof is doing good. No, seriously! He got Powerpoint running and is actually talking to the slides that go with the textbook. Very helpful. ... Why are you smiling? I'm serious!
8:41 A student on the front row asked whether a particular company uses a particular methodology. Let's move along, people.
8:42 The instructor started to answer, but then another student disagreed with front-row-joe. Is this really important?
8:43 *Sigh* Now the two students are arguing about it. Prof is listening. The truth is, they’re both right. And it still doesn’t matter.
8:44 Now others are taking sides. Work with me, people.
8:45 This is like watching Ultimate Fighting Championship. Only boring.
8:49 And… we’re back.
9:06 Prof is praising the virtues and effort required to do analysis. People apparently don't value it as much as they should. And yet, apparently, analysis is the single most important thing you can do. Or that's what I'm hearing.
9:08 Have you ever heard someone praise and rave about the virtue of a particular skill or approach, only to realize that they're really praising themselves? Just curious. I don't ask for any particular reason.

That's it for now. Cheers!

BOO-YAH!!!! and Playing God

2007-09-09T00:20:00.000-05:00

Tonight, my brother Kyle scored his first Major League Soccer goal, in the Real Salt Lake game against the Houston Dynamo. In the end, Dynamo won 4-3, but that didn't lessen my excitement much. It didn't hurt that I saw him score in high def.

HUGE congrats to Kyle!

****

So we're sitting down to lunch today and I wondered whether there were any rain in the weather forecast. A minute later, my daughter says, "I'll be God and you be Noah, Daddy. 'Go build an ark Noah.'" For just a sec I blinked and wondered at the sound of my daughter using the phrase 'I'll be God'. Seriously weird. Then we role played for a couple of minutes -- she knows the story well -- and eventually we went back to our sandwiches.

Later, we're playing hide and seek (yep, all 4 of us, inside), and we end up in a bit of a chase around the house. Piper and I go down the hall, Christian high-tails it through the kitchen, and Celeste is hot on our tails. Then a sound, like a cross between a slap and a SLIZZAP!! All by himself, Christian managed to face-plant on the tile floor in the kitchen. We held him, soothed him, he cried awhile, but soon seemed ok. He commented a little later that his head hurt, but that can mean a lot of things, and we didn't see anything visibly wrong -- vague red spot on his forehead, but no blood or anything. Eventually we go to the neighborhood pool, and only then did we see the bruise and goose-egg forming on his forehead. He's fine. But yikes!

One more on Piper. She brought a book to me this afternoon, and said "Daddy, read me Alphabet Rescue". I checked, and that was the name of the book. Celeste picked it up at the library. The thing is, we hadn't read her the book yet, and Celeste said she hadn't told her what it was called. So I asked Piper, how did you know it was called that? And she answered, "I read it, Daddy." Now, I assure you she can't read yet, not really. She just turned 4 on August 4th. But it seems possible that she managed to figure out those two words. And I say, wow.

Christian's header notwithstanding, it's been a good day.

Inside My Head

2007-08-27T22:20:00.000-05:00

In case you might wonder what its like inside my head as I go back to school to get my MBA, here are some notes I made Monday night, during my first class.

6:28 Arrived in the classroom. Again, I'm only 33, but I feel like I'm surrounded by children.
6:29 Matter of fact, I think I'm the only bald guy in here…
6:30 Professor starts talking.
6:32 Long room, 71 students, soft-spoken Prof, no microphone … I’ll move to a closer seat.
6:37 So I moved closer to the front. The good news is, I won’t fall asleep in this chair. The bad news is, that’s because the chair is broken and seems to lean waaayyy forward, and I have to hold myself up not to fall out. However, I’ve already moved once since the instructor started talking, so I guess I’d better settle in for the evening.
6:39 Apparently its required that we take roll. I don’t remember doing that in my undergrad courses. 71 students… this could take awhile.
6:44 Yep, definitely taking awhile.
6:45 Still taking roll. Instructor: “Nah-shee-own?” Student: “Actually, its Nation. (Like its spelled.)” Oops. Better be nice to the Prof, though, dude.
6:50 Prof is from Pittsburgh, and his accent confirms that. His accent reminds me of my dad’s family up there. I think I like him.
7:05 Wow, old school. He just got out an overhead projector. I haven’t seen a working one of those in years.
7:06 I think he just used the word 'mimeograph'.
7:20 In a stunning display of anachronism, prof just pulled out a laser pointer to refer to the overhead projection. Must've been a gift from a friend.
7:28 Oops, I’m not the only bald guy afer all. Bald guy #2, sitting in the back of the room, just asked a rather philosophical question. The prof says he plans to cover that subject later, but he's still talking... Question is, will the prof follow the rabbit hole, or stick with his outline…?
7:30 Looks like he’s into rabbits.
7:35 Loves rabbits, actually.
7:37 And … we’re back. It's all good.
8;00 Breaktime. Headed to the coke machine. Want anything?
8:19 And so we continue.
8:20 Hmmm. The instructor just confused me for the other bald guy, pointing at me and commenting that he’s now going to more thoroughly answer the philosophical question “I” asked previously. I gently set him straight, with help from bald guy #2. I guess all bald guys look alike? :-)
8:21 Prof tells us he assisted in collection of forensic information at the nuke plant following the 3-Mile-Island disaster. Fascinating. He doesn’t seem to glow in the dark or anything, though.
8:26 At this point, prof pulls up a Powerpoint presentation that based on the textbook. He says he's never used ppt before. I wouldn't have guessed...
9:15 Next time will apparently be less lecture, more classroom discussion. Should be interesting.

Later!

Dazed and Confused

2007-08-20T16:51:00.000-05:00

So I am at UNT in Denton, for an MBA program orientation. I begin classes next week.

I don't think I've been on UNT's campus since I graduated from UNT with my BBA in 1998. I must say it is STRANGE to be here. A few random thoughts as I kill time waiting for orientation to start:

The campus is similar, but new buildings have sprouted up here and there, where I'm not expecting them to be. I should probably walk around campus at some point and get the new lay of the land.
I had to laugh when I walked by a computer lab before coming into the room where the orientation will be held. I can remember sitting in that lab or another lab on campus, working on projects with small groups, and perhaps more importantly, playing text-based games with Casey (and sometimes others). A particular memory comes to mind, involving Casey and me, and maniacal laughter, and synchronized keystrokes as we chased another player in the game ... and then the realization that the whole lab has stopped to look over at us, eyebrows reaching new altitudes. Back to the present, though, its weird to see a bunch of flat-screen displays, and they are inset into the tops of the desks; I guess so you can see over them in case an instructor is instructing?
On a related note, now that I can get to the internet from my laptop over a wireless connection, I wonder if I can still get to any of the MUD's...
Everyone looks like a teenager around here. I joke to Celeste that I'm getting old, but around here I'm pretty sure its true. Especially since a girl approached me in the hallway, a freshman considering the deer-in-the-headlights look she had, and asked if I could help her figure out how to get to a particular classroom; apparently my age and appearance have attained 'professor' status. I was chagrined at first, but the more I think about it, it really doesn't bother me.

One last thing. I swear its hotter on campus than in Keller or in west Fort Worth. And I think the bookstore forgot to turn on their A/C altogether -- everyone was sweating (not just me for once). Perhaps I'll start giving to UNT's alumni association, if they'll assure me that the money will go to improving A/C on campus.

That's probably enough for now. Party on Wayne.

8/15/1999

2007-08-15T08:55:00.000-05:00

Eight years ago today I married Michelle Celeste Robertson, the love of my life.

We met at a singles' retreat in October of 1998. I fell for her first -- she laughed at all my jokes! We were married the following August.

We tied the knot at Southlake Church. It was a Sunday afternoon. At the time Southlake Church had Saturday services and therefore could not squeeze in Saturday weddings; and besides, August 15 was and is Celeste's parents anniversary, so we decided Sunday was better for us.

I'm happy to say it was one of the shortest wedding ceremonies I've ever been to in a church. We had music picked out for the various family who would walk in, and for each of us, of course, and the music lasted much longer than the ceremony.

Celeste walked in to 'Don't Wanna Close My Eyes' by Aerosmith. Yes, you read that right; our first kiss was during the closing credits of the movie Armageddon. Do I know how to sweep a girl off her feet, or what?

She was stunning coming down the aisle. Made me lightheaded.

Celeste's Dad, a church elder in Kansas, married us. I think I was expecting a little sermonette or something. But Celeste's dad is a (now retired) judge, and the ceremony was quick and painless.

The funniest part to me was when Celeste's Dad asked, very formally, if there was any reason we shouldn't be married. I think I've only ever heard that question asked in ceremonies on TV shows -- followed by someone standing up to declare why the couple shouldn't be married. Celeste and I were facing the crowd, and in the wedding video Celeste and I both seem to consider this question carefully before agreeing that there wasn't a reason we shouldn't be married. Unplanned. Funny though.

Now, I had given Celeste the impression, without ever really saying it, that I was going to have a band show up at the wedding reception, and that I'd sing to her. But I treated it like a poorly kept secret, so on her wedding day she sent her maid of honor to sneak back to the classroom where the reception would be and see if a band was set up. But Kira returned moments later to tell Celeste that there wasn't a band. And that, my friends, is because -- in a totally unexpected move -- I had arranged to sing in a barbershop quartet instead. Colin Yarborough, Ken Irvin, and Scott Weiss were my baritone, tenor and bass. She never even saw it coming.

Hopefully I didn't disappoint her, not having a band. Just in case, though, Tom Wood videod our wedding, and he was kind enough to append a bonus feature at the end of the video -- its me singing the Proclaimers '500 Miles' to Celeste at a karaoke place, with my brother Justin singing the harmony vocals. (Yes, I'll let you borrow the video, so long as someone else doesn't have it checked out.)

For our honeymoon, we spent a week at a resort south of Cancun, Mexico. It was hot, but gorgeous -- from parasailing to exploring the ruins of Tulum to just lounging on the beach reading a book. And we spent the following week settling into our new apartment together -- no responsibilities, just hanging pictures, arranging furniture ... and going to the movies or Barnes & Noble at the drop of a hat. Among other things.

In the 8 years since then, God has blessed us with 2 beautiful children, many new friends, and a fantastic life together. Celeste is even more beautiful now than she was then.

But, between you and me ... I think my favorite thing is still that she laughs at my jokes.

Love you Celeste!

reach out and touch Someone

2007-08-06T10:40:00.000-05:00

I'm in one of those dry times, when my relationship with God feels more like work than joy. Not that there aren't joyful times -- even now I feel very close to God when I'm singing my head off, and even when I'm just playing the bass and not singing; and anytime I feel close to God, there is tangible peace and joy in that.

But most of the time ... lately I feel like I'm kind of on my own. I know this isn't Truth. Its just how it feels to be in a dry time, I think.

But I think God is actively reaching out to me (as usual!). I've been inundated with thoughts, scriptures, blogs, comments, etc -- all about prayer. One that struck a disonant chord with me was Jeremiah 33:2-3, which showed up as a verse of the day over the weekend in my Google Reader:

“This is what the LORD says, he who made the earth, the LORD who formed it and established it—the LORD is his name: 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

This is an uncomfortable verse for me, because this has not really been my experience. At one point in my life, I really thought I was hearing from God as I read scripture and prayed. But if the messages I thought I heard were directing my actions or prophesying things to come, the latter have not occurred, and the former, on close inspection, are suspiciously close to what I might have chosen to do anyway. In other words, I'm not sure I was really hearing God at all -- very likely I was just hearing what I wanted to hear.

I choose not to let this diminish my faith. The God of the universe doesn't make mistakes, but I sure do. So I will chalk my confusion up to a misunderstanding on my part. I'll keep trying to live in the way Jesus clearly called his followers to live.

But that still leaves me in a position to seriously question anything I think I hear from God ... to the point that I wonder if I'm turning into Thomas. You know, the one who said he wouldn't believe Christ had been resurrected unless he could personally touch the nail-holes in Jesus' hands and feet?

Winding back around, though, it sounds like God is suggesting that I pray. That certainly is consistent with what he would ask of any of his kids. And it isn't asking very much.

So I'll pray. And I'll even listen. But if I hear a voice ... I'm not sure what I'll be able to do with that.

Interpreting the Spirit

2007-07-11T07:10:00.000-05:00

Celeste is in surgery right now, and I'm passing the time in a waiting room. (Wi Fi -- yay!) She's having what I believe would be called an elective procedure, although it is very necessary. It is also pretty routine, or so I'm told. But it's not routine for us, of course. I should get to take her home today, and she'll be fine I'm sure. Still, prayers for her and her quick recovery are appreciated. (Let me know if you are unclear on the details; it's not a secret, but not necessarily something I'll bother to post on the internet.)

********

I'm still picking my way through Acts, and I am struck (not for the first time) about the way that the Spirit seems to speak so much to the people. But I think I'm more struck by the fact that the people seem to sometimes misinterpret what the Spirit is saying, even in critical ways.

I'm looking specifically at the way the Spirit spoke to Paul and to other believers about Paul's return to Jerusalem in Acts 21. Clearly, Paul is led to return to Jerusalem, knowing that he must somehow later go to Rome. And meanwhile, the Spirit is speaking to other believers about Paul's journey.

Apparently the other believers are hearing -- correctly -- that Paul's trip to Jerusalem will not be fun for Paul. However, they interpret that message to mean that Paul should not go to Jerusalem.

That is a major misinterpretation! And not by just one person, but seemingly by many people. Apparently a group of believers in Tyre, and subsequently Agabus and others in Caesarea urged Paul not to go.

I think what surprises me most is that the Scripture seems pretty clear that the Spirit was speaking to the other believers, and some/many/perhaps all of them hear the Spirit perfectly well ... but miss the point. Fortunately, Paul gets the point, and he is not talked out of his own interpretation. He is obedient to his calling.

But I find myself wondering about all of this. After all, God can be crystal clear when He wants to be; His arm is not too short, and I do not believe His voice is too timid. So why not communicate in a clearer way, so that Paul receives confirmation from the body rather than a conflicting interpretation of the Spirit?

I'm not suggesting that we should ignore the body, become free agents, or anything like that. I'm just wondering how often the body, en masse, gets it ... wrong.

May God have mercy on us. May we hear His Spirit, and correctly understand what we're called to do.

And may we be merciful as we encounter others, whose interpretation of the Spirit is not the same as ours.

Secret Identity

2007-05-31T13:01:00.000-05:00

While eating lunch today I read a post on Patrick Mead’s blog, where he wrote about an ancient family name, kept secret, apparently for a LONG time. Hence the ‘ancient’ in ‘ancient family name’, right?

Honestly, this sent my imagination on a little trip. What would cause a family to keep their real name secret? Particularly over such an extended period of time? (One of these days I will write a novel; thoughts like this make my head percolate with ideas.)

But this also reminded me of a part of Eldgridge’s book, Wild at Heart, where Eldridge encourages readers to ask God to tell us our name. To tell us what He thinks of us. This idea that God has a name for us, a name that identifies who we really are.

Now, I’m known as Brian, Daddy, and once in a while ‘Mr. McKean’ (although at 33, I’m still young enough to look over my shoulder for my pop if you call me that). A few people might even call me Max.

Can I take a moment and tell that story? I went to a rather large high school – about 2000 juniors and seniors – and on picture day, a friend of mine signed me in. For fun he wrote my name as Max McKean. When those pictures came, my mom wasn’t thrilled with how they turned out, so she told me to sign up for retakes – and when those were taken, I signed in as Brian.

When the yearbook came out, both my pictures made it in – one identified as Brian McKean, and the other as Max McKean, with different shirts, slightly different expressions on my face. If you’re wondering, yes, I had hair in both pictures. And for a while, a few friends called me Max, just for fun. Epilogue: Shortly thereafter, at my high school job, the manager called me into his office and asked pointedly if I had a twin brother. Someone had brought him a copy of the yearbook, and shown him the pictures -- and he thought that perhaps I’d kept my 'twin' a secret because ‘we’ were both working under my name in order to split the work hours at this one job!

But I digress. The only point I was intending to make in the mess above is the need we all have to get a grip on our identity. Who am I? And whether you have an ancient name, as Mr. Mead does (and that is wicked cool, btw), or whether you have a new name pending from God, as Eldridge asserts, you absolutely have an identity in Christ, a persona whom He intends for you to become.

Some of that becoming won’t happen until we reach God’s side – the new body we’ll receive, the identity we’ll have there is hard to see (i.e. through a glass darkly). But part of that becoming is supposed to be happening right now. If we’ll just engage with God. Today.

Luke 4:24-30

2007-05-26T14:55:00.000-05:00

Finished Luke, and jumped right into Acts. In chapter 4, there is a prayer said by Peter and John -- or possibly by one or more others among the believers.

"Sovereign Lord," they said, "you made the heaven and the earth and the sea, and everything in them. 25You spoke by the Holy Spirit through the mouth of your servant, our father David:
" 'Why do the nations rage
and the peoples plot in vain?
26The kings of the earth take their stand
and the rulers gather together
against the Lord and against his Anointed One.'
27Indeed Herod and Pontius Pilate met together with the Gentiles and the people of Israel in this city to conspire against your holy servant Jesus, whom you anointed. 28They did what your power and will had decided beforehand should happen. 29Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness. 30Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus."

Reading this prayer, several thoughts came to mind:

I love that they prayed scripture back to God (v25 and 26). I expect to take a Saturday in the next couple of weeks and go to a park and really try to spend some quality time with God, and I must confess that I've wondered what the heck I'll talk about if I spend more than 20 or 30 minutes in prayer. I'll file this thought away for that day.
Fascinating to think that (as in v28) its possible for us to do so terrible a thing as torture and kill Christ, only to find that God's power and will had decided this should happen. This certainly doesn't mean that any bad thing we do must have been God's will, but it could mean that some of the challenges we face were probably in the works for us, and just like Jesus, our role is to face these challenges as God leads us.
Do you notice that the requests made of God come at the end, and even then the first request of God is that he would empower the believers to take action? I mean, my first thought on reading that part of the text was to pray the very last part, that God would stretch out his hand to heal and perform miraculous signs ... but they only asked for that after they asked for empowerment from God to speak his word themselves.
And how would they know his word? From the teaching, from time spent reading his word, and from prayer. Which brings me back to the first bullet above. I need to step up in these areas.

Just thought I'd share today's study time with whoever might be listening.

Buckle Up

2007-05-04T16:19:00.000-05:00

I'm very excited to see what God has in store for Southlake this summer. Having just hired a preacher after a 2 year search, the elders and staff are coordinating a major undertaking for the summer. Sunday mornings will have a very different feel in several ways, and the small groups will be strongly encouraged to get out of the building and find a way to serve the community. There is a feeling of momentum like I haven't felt in a long time, and an eagerness about what will happen next.

One of the changes in Sunday mornings this summer will be an intentional move to make time for testimonies from the body, on a regular basis, about what God is doing. My understanding is that they will intentionally look for things God is doing now, and not a year ago, or 3 years, etc. In other words, the desire is not to dwell on what God used to do, or what he did, but on what he is doing ... right now.

One of the ways I think I see God moving -- and where I hope to have some testimonies of God's hand at work -- is with the band at Southlake. We may have an opportunity to lead a worship gathering at a prison this summer -- how cool is that? What's more, we've talked for several years about recording a few songs on CD, to give away to visitors, etc -- and there is real movement afoot now to make that happen. (Does talking about it out loud have the potential to jinx it? I hope not. :-)

Seriously, I think there is probably a reason why we have not recorded anything before now -- I think the timing is God's.

Don't believe me? Get this: I taught myself to play bass literally 4 months before the band played together the first time -- and without knowing that there would be a need for me to play. Nino was new to the guitar when he came. Kyle Conway had to have Nino teach him the songs (and some of the chords!) the NIGHT BEFORE the band played together the first time. And yet we've gotten positive feedback (praise God!) pretty much every time we've played together. God's hand was all over the timing in these things -- we were ready, just when he needed us to be. Just in time.

Want another example? Stephen Lemmons was our primary (read, 'only') keyboard player for quite some time. (He's amazing -- totally self-taught, if I'm not mistaken.) But one day he was asked to be a shepherd at SBC, and there's really no way he could have continued to be our one-and-only, or even our primary keys guy, and shepherd at the same time. Well -- wouldn't you know it? -- a few weeks earlier, Mikey Cunningham had shown up for the first time at SBC. (If you don't know Mikey, he's our primary keys guy for the past year or something; I think he was born playing piano, and he picked up a stack of other instruments along the way.) God brought Mikey (and his wife Janet, too!), just in time.

So what's coming? I don't know. If you know me, you know I've felt like I'm waiting for something to happen for some time now. I don't know what that is, or what it means. It might just be something I ate. (No, seriously. I should really eat healthier.) But maybe, just maybe, God has some exciting things in store.

And with the momentum seeming to pick up at Southlake ... I'm buckling up.

How is YOUR day going?

2007-04-23T10:55:00.000-05:00

When was the last time you really snapped at someone who you perceived was doing a poor job? There's nothing quite like the 'righteous anger' we feel, when we don't believe people are doing all they can, or when they don't seem to be carrying their weight.

As part of a project at work, I had helped send information to an individual in security who was to review the information and (hopefully) send back a formal approval. We were told that in a few weeks we should get the response back. But two months passed without much response, other than that the security folks were simply overwhelmed with work.

Over the water cooler (so to speak), I spoke with people around the office about how ridiculous this was. I didn't necessarily believe that the security person was doing a poor job -- I know they are severely understaffed -- but even so, it was frustrating to have to wait so long for something that should really only take a few days worth of effort.

So today I noticed that the security person was online in our instant messenger system. I dropped her an IM, asking if she had received my email of a couple weeks ago, and asking whether she could give me an idea as to how much longer it would take.

Her response: 'I have a son at Virginia Tech ... I was out all last week'

I read her response, and all the blood drained from my face.

Over the next few minutes, I asked a few questions, and she told me (still via IM) how her son is a civil engineering major, and that she was unable to reach her son that day, and she went to Blacksburg to search for him. She said those were some of the worst hours of her life. (Honestly, I cannot even imagine.) They finally found him, safe, but he was acquainted with some of those who were killed, and he was originally scheduled to be in one of the classes that sustained so many fatalities, but had to change his schedule due to a missing prerequisite.

Do I have to tell you how quickly my little annoyance about the security review disappeared? I mean, I still hope that gets wrapped up soon, but sometimes I have to be reminded that the world doesn't revolve around me.

So the next time you are get poor service somewhere, or a rude response from someone, consider for a moment that maybe that person is having a worse day -- or week, or month -- than you.

May God be with the Virginia Tech students and their families.

*********

On a side note, what an amazing weekend I just had. The men's retreat was excellent -- if you haven't heard Patrick Mead speak, then you're missing out. And Michael Bridges led a couple of great worship times. Both Mead and Bridges have a way of adding humor to time with God -- I suspect that God laughed with us all weekend long!

And to have finally hired a preacher at Southlake, how cool is that? I have a sense that we are ready to see what God has in store next for Southlake.

And I have to mention the group of us who went to see FC Dallas play the Colorado Rapids on Sunday afternoon. Great fun.

In such a dark world, these have been very, very good days.

Planting Trees

2007-03-04T15:16:00.000-06:00

Read this from Luke 17:7-10 ...

7"Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, 'Come along now and sit down to eat'? 8Would he not rather say, 'Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink'? 9Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? 10So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.' "

This is an unusual passage, is it not? I mean, I'm so very accustomed to hearing about how God has called me 'friend' -- and He has certainly done that. So in reading this today I found myself thinking how opposite this is from much of what we hear today. It is as if this text were implying that we aren't God's friends after all, that we are mere servents, and we'll do what we're told.

But that's an oversimplification of this text, I think, and interpreting it this way does not seem to line up with other parts of scripture.

So I looked at it again, and looked at the context a little closer. Check out the previous two verses (Luke 17: 5-6):

5The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!" 6He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you.

Jesus has just told His followers that they don't need much faith in order to do fairly amazing things. It is in the follow-up to this comment, then, that He points out that we shouldn't get a big head about using God's power. We have to be aware of the position we're in. Specifically, that God calls us to obey him, to serve him.

Of course, along the way He may call us to do some amazing things; to command a few trees to move, as it were. However, we shouldn't get confused into thinking we could ever serve him enough that He would somehow owe us a favor, or that He would let us use this amazing faith power to do things that serve ourselves, or that bring glory to ourselves.

See, God has called us friends, and He has blessed and served us in amazing ways, most notably through Jesus. But Jesus isn't speaking here of God's relationship to us. He's speaking of our relationship to God. No matter how good, how righteous we live our lives, we cannot be good enough to earn anything from God. In the end, we are unworthy servants. And if we've been obedient to God, it is because there is no other way to respond to what He has done for us.

Perhaps that's why we don't see even our most faithful brothers and sisters throwing out their gardening gloves, shovels, etc, relying instead on verbal commands to their garden plants as to where to be and grow. Jesus wasn't suggesting that God was going to give us a magic wand to serve ourselves. He was simply saying that it takes very little faith to do amazing things -- but the amazing things will be God's things, not ours, at His discretion, in His timing.

But I must confess, when I was planting a little tree in my back yard this past week, I'd sure like to have been able to just tell the tree to get in the ground.

Ready Freddie

2007-02-05T13:28:00.000-06:00

Later the Master selected seventy and sent them ahead of him in pairs to every town and place where he intended to go. He gave them this charge: “What a huge harvest! And how few the harvest hands. So on your knees; ask the God of the Harvest to send harvest hands.” -- Luke 10:1-2

Something struck me odd about these two verses.

Jesus had his pick of some number of people – for the sake of argument, let’s say he had 150 too choose from. But he only chose 70. And then he says to the 70, ‘I wish there were more of you!’

But … if he wanted more than 70, why not just choose more people? I mean, why not pick 120 people to send? Or just send all the people he had to ‘select’ from, instead of selecting some of them and leaving the rest out?

I think the reason is probably very simple. He chose all the ones who were ready.

Ready to take on the assignment. Ready to be obedient, whether we feel like it or not. By ‘ready’ I do not mean ‘perfect’ – no one is perfect except Christ. But while we won’t be perfect until we’re made perfect in heaven, I do believe there are stages to our development, and I believe that God will typically assign tasks to us based on our readiness and ability to complete the tasks.

Paul might have used a different word than ‘ready’; I think he might have said ‘worthy’. In 2 Thessalonians, Paul is writing to believers, and at one point (2 Thessalonians 1:11) Paul actually prays that the believers would be ‘worthy’ of God’s calling, and that they would accomplish every act that is prompted by their faith. I think Paul was praying that they would be ready – actively practicing obedience in order to be in the groove when they are prompted by their faith to particular actions.

You know. Ready.

So. Are you ready?

Facing Demons

2007-01-20T14:43:00.000-06:00

I'm currently studying in Luke, and I just got to the end of the story in Luke 8 where Jesus heals a demon-possessed man.

It strikes me sometimes how normative demon possession seems in the Bible, as compared to today. I don't think for a minute that this is because demons are no longer active, nor do I believe that they don't possess people today. I just think that, as predators are prone to do, demons have developed camoflauge.

In our culture, something as supernatural as demon possession would stand out like the sun at midnight. It would serve as 'proof' of the supernatural, which of course would be a problem for demons, as they are quite happy for us to believe that there is no being greater than ourselves, no event in the universe that we can't (eventually) explain with science. Particularly demons that seem to have super strength, as this one did.

So when demons possess people today, in our western culture, I think they find more subtle ways to go about their activities, leaving us none the wiser.

Its also interesting to note that the society tried everything they could think of to restrain this evil. They chained the guy, even put him under guard, but he managed to escape every time. Eventually they let him run wild, and the man was apparently left alone so long as he stayed out of sight. Not that its a secret -- things like this can't remain secret for long.

Don't we do this too? Say a guy struggles with lust. Perhaps he tries everything he knows to do, on his own, but the lust keeps overpowering his restraint. So eventually the guy lets it run wild -- but most of the time he keeps it out of sight, hoping that he is not found out. At first he may keep it secret, but if he doesn't deal with the problem, it won't remain secret for long.

So how does Jesus deal with the demon? At first he commands it to come out, but apparently that doesn't work (!), and Jesus' next step is to ask the demon its name. To rephrase, Jesus clearly defines the problem. And once the source of the trouble is clearly defined, it's the beginning of the end of the problem. I'll come back to this in a sec.

Now, I wish I understood the whole thing with the pigs. Why would Jesus NOT throw the demons into the 'Abyss', whatever exactly that is; and why would he ALLOW the demons to go and kill a herd of pigs? Seems like Jesus could have handled this a lot of ways, and yet this way seems like a bad deal, for the pigs, for the pigs' owners, etc. I got nothin'.

Skipping that, then, the townspeople come out, and they see Jesus beside the unibomber (so to speak), but the unibomber is suddenly all cleaned up. I'd be scared. They were. And they ask Jesus to take a hike. Jesus ends up telling the healed man to go and tell people what God has done for him.

So the overarching theme? When you face your demons -- and you will; they are absolutely attacking this world -- when you do, start with Jesus. After your best efforts with Jesus, if they are still hanging around, make sure you've clearly defined them. Are you dealing with a symptom of the problem, and there is a deeper root that you have yet to address?

And once you've faced your demons, even as you're facing them, talk about it. Bring your demons out of the dark and into the light. You'll find that you are encouraged in this, and you will encourage others whose demons are as yet a secret.

B

Consequences and Community

2006-11-14T20:47:00.000-06:00

I'm reading Deutoronomy. I actually started in Matthew, but I got to Jesus being tempted in the desert, and something occurred to me. The devil is throwing these temptations at Jesus, and he responds all three times with passages from Deutoronomy. I had never noticed that before. I mean, I would have thought he'd whip out a Psalm or Proverb, but no. Deutoronomy.

The thing is, I've never read Deutoronomy. I'm not totally sure I knew how to spell it before I cracked it open. So crack I did.

At this point I'm near the end -- I just finished chapter 31, out of 34 chapters. I'll be honest, its pretty dry, and kind of frustrating. For example, if your kid is rebellious, stone him to death? That's a smidge past spanking, you know? Hard to reconcile that with the loving Christ in the New Testament. And yet, clearly Christ was fully behind Deutoronomy.

As I'm nearing the end, though, there are a couple of strong themes I'm finding. One of them is that there are consequences for our actions. Much of the book gives specific laws, and even punishments for lawbreakers. But you get to chapters 28 - 30, and Mo basically takes it all a step further. If the folks obey the law, there will be blessings. If they disobey, curses. Consequences.

Another theme I'm seeing is about community. There are various occasions when we are told to love God with our heart, soul, mind, and strength. And we also see God promising to be with us.

What's really fascinating to me is that Mo explains more than once that God knows the Israelites are going to screw it all up. God already knew! And yet, he went through with his promises, gave all the great gifts, etc -- and outlined how he would punish the folks when (not if, but when) they screw up their part. Consequences. But in that vein, he also promises that when they turn back to him, he'll bring them home. Consequences, but also community.

So I find myself looking at my life and considering the consequences, good and bad, of my decisions. And I'm also looking at the community I have with Jesus, considering how to stop stiff-arming him in certain areas of my life.

I'm glad he already knows what I'll do. That takes some of the pressure off. Not because it gives me any kind of get-out-of-jail-free card, but because he has a plan.

And his plans are GOOD.

Success in Spite of Our Past

2006-08-10T15:32:00.000-05:00

So the other day I wrote about Ahaz, among the bottom rung of the kings of Judah. Ahaz's son, however, is probably the best king of Judah. From Ahaz to his son Hezekiah, we go from worst to first.

Have you ever noticed that Ahaz is described as having 'passed his sons through the fire'? Researching that practice, it would appear to be a ritual where the sons are passed through a flame or between two flames in order to dedicate them to a pagan god, perhaps one named Molech. I wonder if Hezekiah was subjected to this as a boy? Did he have burns on his skin, on his arm or leg for example, from being 'passed through the fire' by his father Ahaz?

Even if Hezekiah didn't have a physical mark to remind him of his childhood, he had to have vivid recollections of his father's unGodly life. His father had 'worshipped' at the sex-and-religion shrines -- basically his father had had sex with prostitutes under the theme of a pagan religion, and everyone knew it. His father had looked to the neighboring nation of Assyria -- instead of to God -- for help. Eventually, his father had ransacked the temple of God, then boarded it up, putting it out of business for good (or so it probably seemed).

Truly, Hezekiah had witnessed his father trying everything under the son -- except following God -- to be successful. And in the end, Ahaz was a dramatic failure, called one of the worst kings of Judah.

Looking at the line of kings before Ahaz, it would probably have been easy for Hezekiah to try his own way, too. You can imagine that much of the common culture in Judah was in line with Ahaz's beliefs. Ahaz wasn't the only one visiting the sex-and-religion shrines, or worshipping pagan Gods -- the people of Judah (and Israel) were all guilty of this. The culture was so infected that even the priests of God's temple had become lazy in following the commands of God about purification and worship. So Hezekiah could have simply gone along, living for himself, hoping to create his own success.

But that's not what happened. Hezekiah chose a different path. In the face of a culture that said 'live for today', and 'serve whatever god pleases you the most', Hezekiah turned to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

How hard do you suppose that was? How many childhood friends and close relatives -- many of whom most likely worshipped other gods -- did he risk offending? Judah had just begun worshipping Assyrian gods under Ahaz's reign; if Judah now rejected those gods, did Judah risk the wrath of Assyria, or the nations who worshipped the various other 'gods' at the shrines and high places in Judah?

Honestly, I sometimes find myself fretting over using the word 'God' at the office, for fear of coming across as 'holier than thou' or whatever.

And yet Hezekiah made a hard choice to do what would please God, and let the chips fall where they may. He overcame a childhood and a culture. And God smiled on him. Check this out:

Hezekiah carried out this work and kept it up everywhere in Judah. He was the very best—good, right, and true before his God. Everything he took up, whether it had to do with worship in God's Temple or the carrying out of God's Law and Commandments, he did well in a spirit of prayerful worship. He was a great success. 2 Chr 31:20ff

What are we willing to overcome, what are we willing to do, to be a success in the eyes of God?

Anything but God

2006-08-08T10:12:00.000-05:00

So along comes Ahaz, the next king of Judah. A real star.

Ignoring the lessons God tried to teach his fathers, Ahaz does not turn to God. Instead, he makes figurines of the Baal to worship. He burns incense to other gods. He participates in neighborhood sex-and-religion shrines. Basically he tries his best to do everything apart from God.

So God finally has enough of this, and he hands Ahaz over to king of Aram, who beats Ahaz severely, and then takes prisoners from Judah. Next, an army from Israel attacks and massacres many of Judah's best fighting men. Then the Edomites attack and take captives. Then the Philistines raid Judah, and take over some cities.

You would think that Ahaz would catch these ever-so-subtle signals from God, right? But what does Ahaz do?

Ahaz asks king of Assyria for help.

And the king of Assyria responds by ... attacking Judah, and seizing Damascus in the process.

Ok, now Ahaz will wise up, right? Surely he'll turn to God now.

Actually, Ahaz ransacks God's temple and the royal palace, pulling together everything he can find of any value, and sends a gift to the king of Assyria, hoping to buy his favor.

And the king of Assyria responds by ... ignoring Ahaz.

So what now? What does Ahaz do? Well, on a trip to Damascus to meet with the king of Assyria, he saw the altars they used to worship their gods. So he thinks to himself, 'Hmmm ... the Assyrians' gods beat my army and took Damascus, so if I worship their gods too, maybe their gods will help me as well.'

You'll be shocked to learn that this doesn't help. And so Ahaz tries the shotgun approach to worship -- he sets up shrines all over Judah, to worship every 'god' he can find -- and along the way he literally boards up the temple of the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Maybe he figured that if he boarded it up, it wouldn't be such a temptation to him.

Ahaz tried everything -- everything -- except submitting himself to God. God made Ahaz face the consequences of his decisions, and Ahaz still refused to turn from all the things that so obviously weren't working, weren't helping.

So today I ask you: Are you doing things your own way? How's that workin' out for ya? Ever wonder if God might be trying to tell you something? Do you know that sometimes he'll go as far as to try what I call the '2x4 to the head' approach to get your attention? As Ahaz demonstrated, we don't have to listen to God, even when he speaks so plainly through our circumstances ... but wouldn't we be more content if we'd just submit ourselves to Him?

I should point out that I don't believe that all negative circumstances are cases of God trying to show his displeasure. Sometimes it just rains, or even floods, or even tsunamis, you know? Moreover, as my brother Mike Datson pointed out recently, not all negative circumstances are necessarily even negative.

But sometimes ... sometimes...

The Personals

2006-08-04T15:40:00.000-05:00

Ever heard of Jotham? No, not Gotham, that's where Batman lives. I'm talking about Jotham, son of Uzziah. Jotham, King of Judah.

Scripture says that Jotham 'did what was right in the eyes of the Lord' (2 Kings 15), and that 'in God's eyes he lived a good life' (2 Chronicles 27). But at the same time, scripture points out that during his reign, the shrines to other gods in Judah were still very much in use by the people, and Jotham didn't interfere with that.

Which makes me say, so which is it? Did he do what was right, or did he slip up by not taking action against these shrines to other gods? I don't think it's reasonable to say that both could be true -- that even in leaving the shrines to other gods, he was doing what was right. So what's the deal?

Could it be that when viewed 'personally', Jotham may have been a good guy, obedient to God in his day to day life, avoiding sin, etc; and yet he didn't accomplish some things that God would have wanted him to do?

This word, 'personal', is one we hear from time to time in evangelical churches, as in, 'Is Jesus your personal Savior?' This phrasology has come under fire from a few folks lately, I'll suggest not because it represents invalid thinking so much as incomplete thinking. When we give our individual lives to Christ, he is personally saving us; that's very relational language, and not inappropriate.

But if we think about things that are 'personal' -- a personal assistant, a personal ad in the newspaper, personal development, etc -- they are often things that are all about 'me'. They are 'mine'. And if we think of Jesus first and foremost as our 'personal' Savior, we may also run the risk of thinking less of the church as a whole, or what Jesus intends to do through the whole church, or what Jesus did/does for others in general.

So look back at Jotham. Scripture says he was obedient to God, but it very explicitly states that he doesn't put an end to shrines to other gods throughout Judah. The only way I can seem to fit these two statements together is to say that Jotham 'personally' was obedient to God, etc -- but when it comes to what God could have done through Jotham more actively to benefit others, Jotham didn't really go there. And as a result, something, or more probably some things (plural) were left undone that would have been within the control of the Jotham as king of Judah -- things that would have pleased God.

So the questions seem to be:

As I stumble along in my walk with Christ, do I think of the walk as just Him and me, to the exclusion of others who should or could be alongside us both together?
(and this may be a restatement of the previous question) Is it possible that I'm focused on Christ in my daily life, but still missing some assignments that are within my control because I'm not paying attention to others the way I should?

Mentors and Friends

2006-08-03T11:26:00.000-05:00

Still in 2 Chronicles, just read the story of Uzziah. Still struck by the extremes in the lives of these kings of Judah.

Something occurred to me as I read about Uzziah. Scripture says Uzziah 'was well trained by his pastor and teacher Zechariah to live in reverent obedience before God, and for as long as Zechariah lived, Uzziah lived a godly life.'

It struck me that this description is similar to a description of Uzziah's grandfather Joash: 'Taught and trained by Jehoiada the priest, Joash did what pleased God throughout Jehoiada's lifetime.'

It seems that as long as these Godly men, Zechariah and Jehoiada, lived, the kings of their respective lifetimes were Godly men. But when Z and J kicked the bucket, their students Uzziah and Joash pulled a Jeckyl and Hyde, leaving their faith behind.

I wonder what kept these kings in line during the lifetimes of their Godly mentors?

Perhaps their mentors had sufficient power over the kings to keep them in check, like a parent keeping a tight rein on a child. We've all seen that, I think -- someone whose parents kept such control over their lives that when they finally were on their own, they went nuts, doing things their parents would never let them do, having little or no self control because they never needed it as a child.

Or perhaps Zech and Jehoiada didn't exert control so much as Godly influence, and when they took the last train out there was no one with a close enough relationship to the kings to stoke their consciences. In other words, perhaps Uzziah and Joash never sought out other Godly men to help hold them accountable -- something we all need.

But I'll suggest that one thing must be true: Uzziah and Joash didn't really pull a Jeckyl and Hyde. I mean, they didn't change overnight. That's not how it works. Rather, their hearts were moving away from God long before they rebelled so extremely, later in their lives.

May God's leaders today develop self-control; may they find mentors who can stoke their consciences; may they maintain humble spirits before their Creator God; may they have close friends - true Brothers - who hold them accountable for their actions and decisions; and may they be sensitive to the Spirit convicting them of sin early on, rather than allowing sin to build to the point of out-and-out rebellion. May God's will be done.

Transformation

2006-07-29T14:36:00.000-05:00

So I'm reading 2 Chronicles. The stories there of the kings of Judah are fascinating despite their redundancy -- so often the kings start off ok, but end badly.

Repeatedly, many of the kings of Judah do good things, Godly things, initially, but later in life they choose to go off on their own, ignoring God, ignoring prophets he sends to warn them, ignoring the lessons of their fathers'. Its like whatever faith they had initially, sort of petered out. It didn't have a long term impact on the way they lived their lives.

And so I find myself wondering about my own faith.

I do ok sometimes. Right now I'm in the Word most days, if only for a few minutes, and I'm trying to pray a few times a day. I pray over my kids at night. But I don't feel like I have a rock-solid faith, one that changes my actions very much. Except when I'm actively worshipping God in song, I typically feel like my faith is less in my heart, and more in my head.

I've also just started reading Bob Roberts' Transformation. Here's hoping that Roberts has some tips for me that will help drive my faith from my head to my heart.

Interesting quote from the introduction to the book:

I believe the basis of this transformation is a combination of the early church's example in Acts with what is emerging in the Eastern church. It is in startk contrast to the Western approach to discipleship, namely, the transfer of information through curricula. This approach results in educated converts who may grow churches, not necessarily radically transformed disciples who will change the world. --Bob Roberts, Transformation

The Shape of Anger

2006-07-28T11:18:00.000-05:00

Celeste and I had an interesting conversation last night about anger.

You see, we have two small children. Both work to test us on a regular basis, pushing the boundaries, seeing how far they can go. Intentionally disobeying, throwing fits, you know the drill. And Piper, at her present age, is particularly good at this, in that she can actually articulate her rebellion. "NO!!!"

So I was praying about this on my way to work this morning, praying for Celeste and me to have peace as we respond to our kids in those times. It occurred to me as I was praying for peace that the anger itself is not really the problem, its just the shape of the anger.

Did you know that anger comes in many shapes? It comes in the shape of an enraged face. It comes in the shape of harsh words or shouting at the top of our lungs. Sometimes it comes in the shape of something leaning toward violence -- spanking a child in anger, when the parent out of control, is not healthy, nor is breaking something, or punching the wall. (I had a friend in high school that punched a brick wall in anger; he broke several bones in his hand! Not healthy.)

But anger itself isn't a sin, and it's not unhealthy. Jesus got angry sometimes. God gets angry -- I seem to recall seeing the word 'wrath' in the Bible, attributed to God. Look it up!

But as we strive to be like the Father and the Son, I think we have to figure out ways to ensure that our anger is shaped by love. After all, the scriptures say that God is love -- as my friend Stephen points out, love isn't something he does, or something that describes him, it's what he IS.

So what in the world does love-shaped anger look like?

*********************************************
On a side note, if you don't read the blog entries of Patrick Meade ... you should. He had a great line the other day: "Jesus did not go to Calvary so I don't have to go to the movies by myself." Want the context? Read his blog! :-)

B

Faith

2006-07-27T18:54:00.000-05:00

If you missed it, guest speaker Toby Slough had a great lesson last night on Faith. He explained that Faith isn't simple belief, and -- pointing to the Faith chapters in Hebrews and particularly the story of Abraham sacrificing Isaac -- he defined faith as tenacious obedience to God, even when we don't know how things will turn out.

Its a lesson I needed to hear.

I've found myself thinking today of the impact this definition of faith might have on some other scriptures. I've replaced the word faith or faithful with tenacious obedience. (I know, there's more to it than this, but it might help to apply what Toby was saying.)

Matthew 13, Jesus '... did not do many miracles there because of their lack of tenacious obedience.'
Matthew 25, 'Well done, good and tenaciously obedient servant! You have been tenaciously obedient with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
Matthew 17, Jesus explains: I tell you the truth, if you have tenacious obedience as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.
Matthew 25, 'Well done, good and tenaciously obedient servant! You have been tenaciously obedient with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
Luke 18, when the Son of Man comes, will he find tenacious obedience on the earth?

Thoughts, anyone?

Odds and Ends

2006-07-25T16:07:00.000-05:00

Two things:
First, it's pronounced 'mic - CAIN'. Not 'mic KEEN', and not 'mic KEE un'. 'mic-CAIN'. Long 'A'. Rhymes with McBrain ... or it would, if McBrain were a word. Normally I don't really worry about how it's pronounced, but someone at my office with an unfortunate, nasal voice (her natural voice, unfortunately for her) just called me 'brahn mic KEE un' and something inside me ... just ... snapped.

Second, I've waited long enough. Well, sort of. I've decided that I have another option in the old 'wait and see' game that I think God's playing with me. While I'm waiting, I think I'm going to get my MBA. Along those lines, it looks like I have to take the GMAT. Any tips, suggestions, comments?

Band of Brothers

2006-06-06T10:16:00.000-05:00

I don't make it to the movies much these days. That's a big deal for me -- there was a time when I was at the movies several times a week -- but now I have 2 small children and other things that make the movie theater a once-in-a-while thing instead of a staple of life.

Having said that, I think that my interest in movies may also be declining. Celeste and I went to the video store the other day and I only found a few movies that I could muster up any interest in ... despite the fact that I had hardly seen a single movie on the 'New Release' wall. Either I'm getting pickier (is that a word?), or Hollywood is getting ... er, suckier (could that even BE a word?).

Anyway, a friend recommended Band of Brothers a while back. Not a movie, but an HBO mini-series. We rented the first DVD over the weekend. I am totally hooked.

I've always enjoyed a good war flick -- exciting, powerful battle scenes, etc -- but in addition to that, I'm very impressed by how real the characters come across.

As a matter of fact, the reality of the characters, and the 'true story' being told, really sets me to thinking about how cushy my life is. Watching those guys in the plane, waiting to jump into France on D-Day, I had an uneasy feeling in my gut. Could I handle that kind of terrible anticipation?

And then last night, episode 3 or 4, watching another soldier totally panic in the midst of battle, cowering and even screaming in fear. Eventually, an officer helps him get it together enough just to stand and shoot his rifle at the enemy. Would I be brave enough to stand and fight to defend myself and others? I mean, really?

Who knows. I sure don't. I struggle just to live by faith in a land where there's a church on every suburban streetcorner. I'm very thankful to have a 'Band of Brothers' of my own, who challenge and support me even in my weakness.

But I am so glad that the previous generations were so brave, and that others in my own generation are willing to defend themselves, and me, today.

May the Prince of Peace come soon.
B

As Much A Gift

2006-05-24T12:59:00.000-05:00

Philippians 1:29, The Message
There's far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There's also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting.

One of my current struggles is differentiating between trusting in Christ and taking action on my own. I sort of feel like the last thing I heard was to stay put in my current job, more than three years ago, and I'm trying to be obedient to the last thing I (thought I) heard rather than acting on my own to make a change. I'm basically being told to do something that I just don't want to do: wait.

So I read that verse and I find myself thinking that perhaps, just maybe, this waiting is a form of 'suffering' for Christ, in addition to a time of expanding my trust in him. I hesitate to say that, since I'm not really 'suffering' in a physical sense. I mean, Paul was incarcerated, not to speak of what Jesus went through; I've got nothing on them. Honestly, this is probably about the nicest 'waiting room' anyone could ask for.

But my Strengths (as in 'Now Discover Your Strengths') start off with 'Strategic' and 'Achiever', and I'm really struggling to not make a big-picture plan, set some goals, and get after it. That's what I do. Its who I am.

And yet. Who I WANT to be is an obedient servant of the King.

So I'm going to trust, and wait. I'll grit my teeth if I have to. Pound my head against the wall from time to time as necessary. And I'll keep asking God to give me a clue.

There's far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There's also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting.

From Defense to Offense

2006-05-13T14:59:00.000-05:00

It occurred to me today that I spend most of my time playing spiritual defense.

I struggle to take lustful thoughts captive instead of giving them control. I struggle against tailgating the guy that just cut me off on the freeway. I struggle not to be so selfish. And on and on.

I spend most of my energy battling the path of 'what I don't want to do, I do'.

And it seems like when I try to move beyond that, I stall out. I tried early this year to have more discipline regarding daily time with God. That lasted a few weeks, and trailed off. Today I'm back to forcing myself to be in the word for at least a few minutes, every few days. (On a side note, I think I am frustrated that God doesn't seem to want to talk about what I want to talk about. Foolish of me, but true nonetheless.)

I have done decent 'work' at praying in the truck, or spending that time in real, heartfelt prayer -- but honestly, there are few alternatives behind the wheel. When I really have an alternative, I find myself either working through my ever-lengthening 'to do' list at the office, or hoping to just vegetate at home.

It occurred to me today that I really am not strong enough to make the shift from D to O. I have tried more times than I can tell you, to no avail.

So here's what I'm starting to pray: that God would turn the game around by his strength, by his power. Mine obviously is not enough, and I'm sure it was never supposed to be.

B

Decisions Decisions

2006-04-17T22:07:00.000-05:00

I heard someone say recently that the decision to give your life to Christ is the most important decision you'll ever make. And I would agree with that.

However (you saw this coming, didn't you?), its not the hardest decision you'll ever make. The hardest decision is not to GIVE your life to Christ, but to LIVE your life for Christ.

After all, giving your life to Christ is usually the climax of a process of some kind, where the Spirit is working on your heart, and you are listening, engaged and focused on what God is doing in your life. And for some time following that decision, you can thrive on the energy of that decision, the power and joy that God gives. A sort of Christian 'honeymoon period'.

But sooner or later, the decision begins to seem like a long time ago, and the daily grind (aka 'this present darkness') can begin to push, pull, and draw you. It can draw you back toward the life from which you were saved, or it can push you off the path God has called you to, onto a side path that somehow seems easier, smoother, better.

Or perhaps more likely, you begin to look at your day and think 'sure, I could study/pray/do something else Christ-like, but there will be time for that tomorrow/this weekend/during spring break/this summer/later; I've really got to catch up on my sleep/reading/favorite show I've been recording/email/favorite book series I'm behind on/blogging. I've got eternity to spend with God anyway, right?'

Truly, the hardest decision we make for Christ is the one that comes along when we'd rather be doing something else.

So...whatcha doin today?

B

The Dance

2006-04-16T19:26:00.000-05:00

Regarding evangelism, from Brian McLaren's A New Kind of Christian:

Instead of conquest, instead of a coercive rational argument or an emotionally intimidating sales pitch or an imposing crusade or an aggressive debating contest where we hope to 'win' them to Christ, I think of it like a dance. You know, in a dance, nobody wins and nobody loses. Both parties listen to the music and try to move with it. In this case, I hear the music of the gospel, and my friend doesn't, so I try to help him hear it and move with it. And like a dance, I have to ask if the other person wants to participate. There's a term for pulling someone who doesn't want to dance into a dance: assault. But if you pull someone in who wants to learn, and if you're good with the music yourself, it can be a lot of fun!

Your Mission, should you choose to accept it...

2006-04-11T21:03:00.000-05:00

John 17:4, Jesus' prayer to God, shortly before his crucifixion:
I glorified you on earth by completing down to the last detail what you assigned me to do.

How did Jesus glorify God? By completing the tasks God assigned him, down to the last detail.

How do we glorify God? At least in part, the same way.

I don't know about you, but I need to do better at listening for my assignments...

B

A Word from Haggai

2006-04-10T07:33:00.000-05:00

People who know me really well know that I have an odd quirk when it comes to movies. Regardless of how ridiculous the plot or how irritating the characters, for some reason I just can't stand to stop in the middle ... if I start it I have to finish it, no matter how painful.

Perhaps similarly, if I flip open my Bible without a particularly specific destination in mind, and if my Bible happens to open to the beginning of a book, I tend to settle in. Yesterday -- after a very timely lesson from both the sermon and class reminding me that if I want to hear from God I've got to be in the word -- yesterday I flipped it open and landed on Haggai.

Now, you don't get much Haggai these days. Lots of New Testament, some Genesis, Exodus, of course the Samuels/Chronicles/Kings, Psalms, and a few other books from time to time, but Haggai ... not so much.

But I found myself at the very first verse of the very first chapter, and was fished in.

For those of me who have never read Haggai before, it turns out that Haggai was a prophet, sent by God to tell the peeps that they need to get off their lazy tushkas and rebuild the temple. Apparently God had previously told them to do it, and they had begun the task, but eventually decided that the timing wasn't right and (conveniently) each went home and instead spent the time and money they would have used on the temple to redecorate their own homes, and more generally to build their own kingdoms (so to speak).

So God sends Haggai to tell Israel that 'you're all Trading Spaces, and meanwhile My House is a wreck'. Worse, he points out that they obviously have ignored some warnings he's already been giving them about this: he hasn't been blessing their income, their savings, their harvest, etc etc.
I get to the end of Haggai (all two chapters), and I find myself realizing that in January God was calling me to rebuild my relationship with Him; to dedicate time each day to being in his word, to prayer; to making my life more about him and less about me. And that motivation lasted for a whopping few weeks, before I found myself far too busy for such things. After all, I've got a job that keeps me very busy, a wife and 2 small kids who deserve my attention, and ... um ... other important things that oddly slip my mind right now.

But about that point in my thoughts, I'm kind of vaguely paging through Zechariah (the next book east of Haggai), and I notice that God highlighted through Zechariah the blessings that would come to the people when they finished rebuilding the temple.

So I'm praying about all of this, and I'm considering what God might be saying to me in particular. And part of me is retreading the doubts I've had lately, wondering how many messages I find in scripture that are from God, and how many are just my over-analysis of the text, looking for something about or for me.

And as I'm kind of skimming back through, reading some study notes in my Bible relating to a few particular verses, I'm surprised to note that the people responded and began to rebuild the temple on the '24th day of the 9th month', which the footnotes in my Bible equate to September 21.

And see, September 21 is my birthday.

Now, maybe it is pure coincidence. Maybe so. It seems unlikely that God timed my birthday to be the same day that they restarted rebuilding the temple. But I'll tell you this: it made the hair stand up on my arms, and I got this weird feeling when I saw it.

So here are my working conclusions: God has a plan for me, but I can mess it up (or at least push 'pause') by not cooperating with him along the way. He'll bless me if I'll fully rebuild our relationship, and stop putting off spending time with him. He may even bless others through me. But if I'm too busy either rearranging my life on my own, building my own kingdom, or whatever, he'll most likely let me suffer the consequences of that until I cut it out. And there will be consequences, Haggai was clear about that (consistent with others of course).

Anyone have a comment? Do you suppose I'm on the right track?

B

P.S. this morning, got up at 6am, went through some of Jesus' words in John. He sure tells us often to ask in his name and expect results. Makes me uncomfortable. But that's for another day.

Chocolate for Two

2006-01-02T16:00:00.000-06:00

Did you ever see that episode of Friends where Phoebe is talking to Rachael about Joey breaking up with his girlfriend, and Rachael says 'what happened?', and Phoebe explains that the girl apparently ate off of Joey's plate during what became their final date? Rachael responds, knowingly, 'Oh, right ... Joey doesn't share food.'

Call me Joey, I guess. I've never been terribly good at sharing food. I can do it if I set my expectations ahead of time -- after all, now and then Celeste and I even order a single plate at a restaurant (we should really do that more often!) -- but much of the time I stiffen up at the thought of sharing my food. No, seriously.

And especially chocolate. I hoard chocolate. I hide it from the kids, on a high shelf in the pantry, and I literally cringe when they happen to find it. When I actually eat chocolate around the kids, I do whatever is necessary -- WHATEVER is necessary -- to ensure that they don't see me eating it, lest they ask for a bite. To be sure, some of that is just because I don't want to clean up chocolatey hands and faces when they're done ... but much of that is because I DON'T WANT TO SHARE.

So. We're on our way home from our 'round the world' trip yesterday, and Celeste passes Piper an individual bag of M&M's. (She also passed me a Snickers bar, which I eat all by myself, carefully keeping Piper from seeing it.) And Piper is munching her little chocolate pleasures while watching a pre-recorded episode of Dora.

And as we drive along, somewhere in southern Oklahoma, I hear Piper say, "Daddy, want some chocolate?"

I look over my shoulder from the driver's seat. I blink, confused. "What, sweetheart?"

"Daddy want some chocolate?"

Aside to Celeste, I comment, "How could I refuse?" And then, to Piper, "Sure honey."

She gives me an M&M and I eat it. A few minutes later she offers me another, and I take it. (Curiously, she never offers any to Mommy... I'm sure she just forgot.)

So.

Right.

Well.

I thought that we were still having to teach Piper the concept of sharing. ("No, Christian, that's MINE!!"). Apparently my daughter can teach me a thing or two about the subject.

Happy New Year!
B

God Handling All the Details

2005-12-07T14:31:00.000-06:00

7This is my life work: helping people understand and respond to this Message. It came as a sheer gift to me, a real surprise, God handling all the details.
Ephesians 3:7, The Message

Just a quick post to say hi. Also, to confess some jealousy of Paul.

First, he was able to determine exactly what God called him to, his life work. How specific is his calling? What would it be like to know deep in your bones that you are doing your 'life work'? I imagine that Paul didn't find himself wondering 'what's the point' so often as he went about his daily activities.

And second, that it basically fell into his lap (or I guess you could say it hit him between the eyes). It came on him as a gift, a surprise. God worked out the details, then handed him the ball, and Paul ran with it. Now, I know he was figuratively clotheslined, facemasked, and otherwise abused while taking the ball to the end zone -- and I'm not suggesting that I wish God would put me through anything like the kinds of trials Paul faced -- but at least he knew where the end zone was.

I'm sure that the few people who read my blog are probably tired of hearing about this. (I'm hoping God's getting tired of me knocking, too.) In the meantime, I have hope, because 'All this is proceeding along lines planned all along by God and then executed in Christ Jesus.' (Eph 3:10 MSG)

B

Political Commentary

2005-11-03T13:21:00.000-06:00

I read this today in an article online about Alito:

...even some liberal lawyers and judges who know Alito are wholeheartedly supporting his nomination, calling him an impartial jurist. ... Former 3rd Circuit Court Judge Timothy Lewis, who had a liberal record on the court, says, "contrary to what the Republican right is saying about him being a 'home run' Alito does not have an agenda."

This Lewis guy seriously missed the point, in my opinion. Speaking for myself, as a member of the Republican right, we DON'T WANT a guy with an agenda. We were hoping for someone with a clear record of interpreting the constitution based on what it really means, and allowing lawmakers to be the ones to push agendas. We had nothing against Miers except that we could not be sure that she would keep her personal agendas to herself -- whatever they may be.

Not that agendas are bad -- there are good ones and bad ones, and some that are neither here nor there I suppose. However, the way this is supposed to work is that 'we the people' push our agendas through Congress, and they pass laws to reflect the agendas of the majority (numerically, not racially, speaking; e.g. the agendas with the most votes). The role of the Supreme Court (or part of their role) is to ensure that those laws are not contradictory to the Constitution, and if they are, the Court nixes them. If 'we the people' are not satisfied with the result, we can attempt to Amend the Constitution to clarify the matter. There are, oh, a few examples of these 'Amendments' already in place.

So I guess I'm saying that this Lewis guy is very confused. The Republican right is saying Alito is a 'home run' PRECISELY BECAUSE he has no agenda.

My 2 cents,
Brian

P.S. I love the way Scott Wilder put it the other day: Supreme Court Justices should not, must not represent the American people. They represent the Constitution. Period.

All the Latest

2005-10-27T14:32:00.000-05:00

Made a trip to Tulsa over the weekend, to see my family there. Also got to see my younger brother Kyle play soccer -- unfortunately, Tulsa University fell to SMU 3-2, but it is notable that Kyle scored both of Tulsa's points that night. Anyway, Piper and Christian were very good all weekend, and the only rough patch to speak of was the last 60-90 minutes of the 5 hour drive home on Sunday night. We are seriously thinking of staying overnight at a hotel on our way back from the December holiday trip -- Salina, KS to Keller, TX is about 8 hours of driving, and we just don't know that we're up for a battle during the last half of the trip.

Looking forward to this weekend (as if I don't look forward to EVERY weekend). Celeste and I will go on a little retreat with 2 other couples from church, sort of a 'thank you' to our wives for putting up with our absence so often (as in, pretty much any time the band plays). We'll bring Christian along, since he's joined at the ... uh ... hip with his mother, but other than that, no kids for about 24 hours. Seriously, though, there are some people that are so much fun to hang out with, that you just don't need an excuse. You know?

I am reading a fiction book called 'Knife of Dreams' by Robert Jordan, book 11 in a series, and this is supposed to be the next-to-last book. (Anybody reading my blog who is familiar with the series?) I started reading this series around 1995, when only the first few books had been written. The characters are practically old friends of mine. So I must say I'm really revelling in reading this book. (For those who know me well, my committment is to be in the Word and in prayer before being in any other book on a given day, and so far so good.)

This week has brought some interesting news at my work. Lockheed Martin is apparently looking into purchasing Computer Sciences Corp (where I work), absorbing the Federal contracts, and selling the rest of the company in pieces. These things take time, and it may not even happen, but it seems like half of CSC is speculating about it amongst ourselves, and the other half are probably already on Monster.com. I know that this frightens some of my coworkers, but very candidly I am so ready for a change that, far from frightening me, this only perks my interest. We'll see where things go.

Anyway, that's the latest. If you haven't seen our family website lately, you'll want to see the latest pictures of Christian and Piper. Check it out by clicking here.

L8r,
B

Have you given your 'death' to Jesus?

2005-10-10T09:18:00.000-05:00

Great lesson yesterday from Mickey Ashlock, one of our shepherds, on personal transformation. That is, we are called not only to accept Jesus as our 'savior' from hell, sometime in the future, but also to accept Jesus as our 'Lord' right now, today, changing us even today and tomorrow.

It struck me that while we often hear preachers calling people to 'give your life to Christ', what that often seems to mean is to 'give your death to Christ', in that you're really just accepting that Jesus will save you from hell when you die. And while that's certainly part of it, its only the future part.

I think I prefer my theology the way I prefer weather forecasts -- let's not focus on what might happen a year from now, or a hundred years; let's talk about what affects us today, tomorrow and the next day, and that will probably be just about as much as we can handle.

A few random thoughts for a Monday.
B

Hard Questions

2005-10-05T08:54:00.000-05:00

I really have very little experience with death. Several of my grandparents have died, but (unfortunately for me) I wasn't as close to them as I would have liked to be, and so when they passed it seemed distant, disconnected from me.

Over the last week I learned about a woman, a wife and mother whom I've met briefly, whom I've seen many times, who had contracted a very sudden illness. She wasn't old and feeble. The illness wasn't cancer or any other disease that I hear people dying of on any regular basis. And yet, yesterday, I heard that this woman died, leaving a husband and young children.

Having experienced so little death in my life, I found that I was really surprised by this. Shocked. I mean, after all, old people die. People with long-term illnesses die. Cancer patients sometimes do. But middle-aged folks? And suddenly? Its not supposed to happen like that, is it?

And very bluntly, how does a Dad explain to his young children that mommy isn't coming home?

There are other questions that come to mind, but I can't stay in that vein. The tightness in my throat won't let me. May God forbid that I ever have to deal with those questions first-hand.

Meanwhile, what I will do is allow events like this to shift my perspective from the 'urgent' to the 'important'. I took extra pleasure in the time I had with my wife and children last night. And I lifted a prayer for the people I know, the people close to me, who don't know Jesus.

May he continue to draw men and women to himself. And may he soothe the broken-hearted.
B

Two Cans and a String

2005-10-03T10:28:00.000-05:00

I've been frustrated with God lately.

I've lamented quite a bit that I felt like God was preparing me for something, and I even had the impression that He gave me a particular scripture in Daniel that indicated a 3-year timeframe before a big change would come. Candidly, I don't know that that was God; perhaps I just had a bad slice of pizza that night. But I have been choosing to believe that it was Him -- in faith, right? -- recognizing that if I'm wrong it's my misinterpretation and not His miscommunication.

And that has been a great comfort for me from time to time, as I feel more and more that while my job of the last 9 years+ is very challenging, and while I make a comfortable living for my family ... I just don't know that I want to do this for the rest of my life. And yet, each time I've considered leaving, I've felt at the time as thought God was saying 'stay put'.

But its October, 2005, and in February of 2006 it will have been 3 years since I found that scripture in Daniel. And I don't see anything changing, at least not in the direction I inferred from the passage. I had interpreted that scripture and some other things to mean that I would end up 'working for the King'. That could still happen, if God makes it so, but in my gut I don't know how, or what that would look like ... and I'm beginning to second guess much of what I thought I heard from God.

Rewind. Some 2 years or more ago, I was spending a significant amount of my time reading science fiction novels, and I was convicted at the time that I need to cut that out, not because the books are somehow 'evil', but because my tendency is to make time for those books at the expense of time with God.

Fast forward to the present. A few weeks ago I had a business trip to take. I picked up a fiction book to read, hoping that would keep me from other temptations that hotel cable television brings. It worked (sweet!), but I didn't finish the book before the trip was over, and I found that (as before) I was totally focused on reading this book and not The Book.

How do I express the sense of guilt I have for reading that book? It's not an evil book. It's castles and swords, underdog heroes and overwhelming odds. And yet I literally lost sleep over it, because I was more interested to read that than the Word, and even while I felt that way, it broke my heart.

And that's when I got so frustrated. If this guilt (or, to use a 'church' term, call it 'conviction') came from God, if He can so easily communicate with me about what not to do, why is it that I don't seem to get even a whisper from Him about what's coming up? Neither a confirmation nor a refutation of what I thought I heard before.

Around this same time, I've been in Colossians. (I would tell you that I think God led me there, but the growing cynic in me wonders about that. Not because God can't, but because I'm not sure that I don't attribute my own thoughts to Him, at least sometimes. Put another way, I trust Him, but I don't trust me to hear Him.)

But I've been in Colossians, and I'm reading verse after verse that sure seems to say 'stay the course'. See for yourself:

Col 1:5 - The lines of purpose in your lives never grow slack, tightly tied as they are to your future in heaven, kept taut by hope.
10b - As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work.
11 - We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul -- not the grim strength of gritting your teeth [this is how I've felt for some time now] but the glory-strength God gives.
2:1 - I want you to realize that I continue to work as hard as I know how for you... Know that I'm on your side, right alongside you. You're not in this alone.
2:6 - My counsel for you is simple and straightforward: Just go ahead with what you've been given.
4:12 - [Epaphras has been] praying that you'll stand firm, mature and confident in everything God wants you to do.

So. I'm still frustrated. Why did God set up such a confounding system, where the 'communication' we have with Him leaves so much room for misinterpretation? Surely this is the 'two cans and a string' method of communication, when I am so longing to 'instant message' with God?

But I'm sure of one thing. His plan is better than mine. If it weren't, he wouldn't be much of a God, would he?

B

Drawing Distinctions

2005-09-03T16:51:00.000-05:00

I never really understood the fine distinction between 'throw' and 'drop', until today. I told my 2-year-old daughter that she was not to throw something. Moments later, upon looking again, I see her project the item across the room ... while saying 'drop' to clarify what she was doing.

Fascinating.

B

3 Dead Snakes and a Billy Goat

2005-09-02T09:44:00.000-05:00

Walking down the hall today there were 3 guys standing in the hallway, having a conversation. I didn't know them, and didn't hear what they were saying, except for one phrase. Just as I passed by, one of them said 'Just three dead snakes and a billy goat.'

Having passed them at this point, I wondered if it was the punchline to a joke, but I didn't hear any of them laugh. Turning the corner, none of them looked particularly tickled, nor did they look bothered about anything.

So what did it mean? I may never know.

Katrina. I wonder if that name will continue to be used -- for newborn babies -- as it has been.

You know, when the Tsunami occurred on the other side of the world, it was morbidly fascinating, but in the end it seemed like some other galaxy.

But Katrina practically happened next-door. My wife and I know people who live in Long Beach, MS; brothers and sisters in Christ who have had us in their home; people who have not been back yet since the pre-hurricane evacuation, but who do not expect to find much left of their homes when they return.

I tried on my way home yesterday to imagine what that would be like. My home destroyed. Keepsakes and treasures, and just things I took for granted, gone. I can't go far down that path, even in my mind. Its not real. It can't be. And let's not even get into the what if's about spouses and children dying.

But for those of us who can see the devastation but aren't directly involved, there's a danger as well. In our process of empathy and, inevitably, analysis, we must be careful where we choose to see God in this. You see, I just heard someone say that 'you know, God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, too -- and New Orleans was sin city if there ever was one.'

I have to say that this kind of comment makes me really uneasy. I know that God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah because he told us that's what he did, and he told us why; I haven't heard from God on this one, and until God decides to tell us so, I'm pretty sure he doesn't need us to speak on his behalf.

So as far as trying to find meaning in this, trying to find the root cause -- all I can say is, 3 dead snakes and a billy goat.

B

Prayer of Purpose

2005-08-25T13:47:00.000-05:00

Its been a fairly intense week:

This past Monday evening the Search Committee interviewed the 2nd of our 4 'final' candidates.
Tuesday evening there was a soldering party at church, prepping to move the sound booth from a very in-the-way spot to a very out-of-the-way spot.
Wednesday evening the band practiced, and a few of us hung around till ... er ... well let's just say we hung around working on lyrics for a new song.
Friday evening the band will play at a coffee house in Grapevine.
Saturday evening the band plays at the Southlake Town Center.

May God give peace to my family as we seek to use our time in the best possible way -- and may He help me ensure that I don't have a habit of giving my wife and children the short end of the stick.

***********************

Still praying for God to help me know what to do about my job. It's really a good job, but my heart isn't in it, and hasn't been for several years now. Anyway, I've been asking God to talk to me, to interact with me, to show me what He has in mind for me to do, and I think he led me to Colossians and I and II Thessalonians. (I know that's kind of a broad leading, but I'll take whatever He wants to give.)

I've read each several times now, particularly Colossians, and in various translations. And He has spoken to me through each of those books -- lots of very applicable advice, perhaps particularly including advice to stick to the basics of what God has already called me to.

To top it off, if this verse doesn't articulate the prayer I've been lifting to God for approximately 3 years, I'm not sure that any verse will:

2 Thessalonians 1:11 NIV (bold text mine): With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith.

I hope to be counted worthy of his calling -- and worthy to fully hear and understand whatever He may call me to. I hope, by His power, to fulfill whatever good purposes He planned for me from before I was born, and to obediently carry out every act prompted by my faith in Him.

Been prompted by your faith lately?

To My Bride

2005-08-15T16:03:00.000-05:00

I married my best friend 6 years ago today. I met her in late October of 1998, and we dated for 9 months before tying the knot in August of 1999. Everything just ... clicked. And it still does. (Love you honey!)

Saturday we had some professional pictures taken at the Botannical Gardens in Fort Worth. If you'd like to see some of them, go to imagesofgracephoto.com , click on Galleries, and then select 'Family' from the list. Also, there are some pictures of Piper in the 'Children III' and 'Hand Tinted' areas.

Shalom,
B

Between Zzz's

2005-07-22T23:07:00.000-05:00

Update on previous post: Turns out Piper uses the word 'Bible' (or she used 'Bible' at the time) for anything the size of a book or smaller and made of leather. This includes but is not limited to the leather warranty manual cover on the warranty in the van, and of course my wallet. So when Piper asked me if I had my Bible a few weeks back, she meant my wallet. Possibly not the spiritual prodding from God that I thought it to be ... although the effect was the same: I read my Bible first thing that day. And it was good.

In other news, my family and I have been traveling quite a bit lately, and this week, while I've been off work, we've spent time at the Fort Worth Zoo, the Dallas Aquarium, swimming at the neighborhood pool, etc. Also, I bought the new Harry Potter book last Friday night, and finished it at about 3:30 am Wednesday morning. Frankly, I feel like I'm tired all the time. I guess I need to go back to work so I can get some rest. :-)

Haven't been in the Word much in the last couple of weeks. Need to do better about that. God has been far too good to me, for me not to spend time with Him.

For now, though, I'm going to bed. Be blessed.
B

P.S. Celeste and I posted a fairly extensive number of new photos on our family web site this evening. Click here to pop in and have a look, and then click on Trip to Grandparents to see the new photos.

From the Mouths of Babes

2005-07-05T16:31:00.000-05:00

Every few days Piper casually says a new word or phrase that she has learned, or makes a comment or asks a question that shows that her 23-month-old brain is putting things together more and more. Her vocabulary expanded over the weekend to include ‘I wuv oo’, which is pretty much good enough to melt my heart every time she says it.

But this morning as I was leaving for work she had another surprise for me.

I told her and Celeste goodbye, and gave each of them a kiss (Christian was fast asleep, his first nap of the day). I started to leave but realized that I didn’t have my phone, and I said as much to Celeste as I began to look around the house for it. I finally found it, and tossed another ‘bye’ as I walked past the kitchen on my way to the door, when Piper called a question to me from the kitchen table.

“Da da phone?”

I stopped and looked back, then smiled and said, “Yes, I found my phone, Piper. Bye bye.” I turned back toward the door.

“Da da…keys?”

Stopped again, I turned back toward her. We had never discussed the things I take inventory of before I leave each day, so she apparently had noticed on her own. Wondering if she’d ask about my wallet next, I pulled my keys from my pocket and jingled them where she could see them.

“Yes, I have my keys sweetheart. I love you! Bye bye!”

This time I hadn’t quite begun to turn before she spoke up.

“Da da … Bible?”

I opened my mouth, closed it again, and I think I cocked my head to the side. I don’t normally take a Bible when I leave for work. I often already have one in the truck, and at the office I can always pull up biblegateway.com if I find a few minutes to get in the Word. But did I want to tell Piper that, no, I didn’t have it because I didn’t ‘need’ it? How would that play out as she is putting together the puzzle pieces of words, language, and things going on around her?

And for heaven’s sake, what caused her to suggest that I take one in the first place?

I only paused a moment before stepping back down the hall, picking up a Bible, and returning to where she could see me holding it up.

“Yes, Piper, I have my Bible. Thank you! Bye bye!”

Folks, don’t tell me God doesn’t speak to us today. He spoke to me through my nearly-2-year-old daughter this morning. And need I tell you that when I got to the office today, I couldn’t help but read a chapter and pray before climbing out of the truck and coming into the office? God is good.

Current Events

2005-07-02T14:04:00.000-05:00

I can't believe its already 4th of July weekend. This year is really flying by.

Well, thanks to Celeste, we finally have a new family web site set up.

You may or may not have heard about the old one; last fall sometime I found I couldn't log in to edit it, and when I finally contacted the web hosting company they explained that the software they'd had us using had corrupted, that it had been replaced with a new software, and that we could recreate our website from scratch but we would not be able to edit the old pages (at least, not easily) because they were built using the corrupt, outdated software.This was, of course, quite frustrating, and at this point we're planning simply to try to get a copy of the old site (with its hundred or more pictures, etc) onto a CD for posterity.

Anyway, Celeste found a web company called Parent Shack (hop in my Chrysler its as BIG AS A WHALE!), and it is pretty much focused on pictures only (none of that other stuff about bios on Celeste and me, etc, which we never updated anyway. So check out our new site by clicking here.

Other than that, I've begun to read Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, and it certainly has me thinking. I'll post more on that shortly, but there's a question that's really bothering me right this minute: why is it that Don Miller, Brian McLaren and others who seem to be on the cutting edge of Christian spiritual thought these days are all so far left leaning from a secularly political perspective?

That will probably be the topic of an upcoming post, but if anyone out there happens to have an answer to this question, or even an opinion, I'd love to hear it.

Grace & Peace,
B

Surrender

2005-06-20T14:02:00.000-05:00

If you've read my blog before then you are probably aware that I have been dealing for some time now with general frustration with my current job, and at the same time I believe God's last direction to me regarding my career was to stay put.

I've complained about this, and I've literally begged God to give me some new direction. I'm well past the point where the best part of my weekday is when I leave the office -- not even walking in the door to see my family is so energizing as walking OUT of the building where I work. I find myself cruising Monster.com, Dice.com, the US Government jobs website, etc etc etc, although even when I find something that is a possibility, I am reminded instantly of the last time that I ran ahead of God. Let's just say that when God convicts me of something, he's really good at it.

So today's blog is just a textual white flag of surrender. Its not what I want, but I will choose to be content in my circumstances. I still believe God has a bigger plan for me than this job, but I'll bloom where I'm planted until he decides to move to a different part of the garden.

So help me God.
B

Healthy Discussion

2005-05-31T15:59:00.000-05:00

I had a fascinating discussion with my Dad on Sunday night about baptism. In looking for a church-home in Tulsa, he was telling me that he had noticed that most of the churches didn't seem to place the emphasis on baptism that his background and study has led him to. He asked me what I thought about it, and we talked until quite late that night, just sharing thoughts about the issue.

In discussing this with him, several things were impressed on me.

First of all, my knowledge of the scriptures is woefully inadequate. Dad had book, chapter and verse in mind as he explained his understanding of the scripture. My side of the conversation basically amounted to 'I think it says somewhere that...' and 'so-and-so commented once that...' Honestly, I was more than a little embarrassed. (And what a blessing to have a Dad who knows the scriptures, as mine does!)

Second, while I don't think my Dad and I have the same perspective on the purpose of baptism, my Dad (as usual) was so patient and calm throughout the conversation -- so graceful, really. That's not much of a surprise -- Dad is one of the most level-headed and patient people I know -- but I guess it was particularly impressive because I've had other conversations about faith issues with people who disagreed with me, and often I've seen them turn into angry, awkward discussions, or even angry, awkward relationships. So to see my Dad be so open to hear my point of view, even though he clearly disagreed ... I don't know how to describe it, but it made me proud to be his son.

(Incidentally, I suppose someone might be inclined to wonder what our perspectives are with regard to baptism. I would characterize my Dad's position as being that baptism places us into Christ, and it is essential for salvation. My position is that baptism is a command of God and should be obeyed, but that it is an external action representing a decision made in the heart, and that a believer can be 'unimmersed' and still reach heaven, although this is of course disobedience to God's command and is therefore sin which would have to be covered by the blood of Christ.)

I am so thankful for my Dad, for the faith that he and my mother passed on to me, and for his heart for God.

B

What If...

2005-05-26T23:20:00.000-05:00

Pondering a few imponderables.

What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?

What if I had been committed to God in high school and college, instead of only toward the end of college and beyond? Would I hear God better today? Would I be more obedient?

What if God were to teach a class on the 7 days of creation? How long would the class take?

What if I had joined the Air Force as I considered doing during my 3rd year of college? Would I have seen the world, and have more appreciation of my homeland?

What if the amount of human weight in the world were constant, so that when you lose a pound someone else has to gain it? (And vice versa!)

What if I made a better effort at being a good husband and father, every single day?

What if we used a number system based on 12 instead of 10? Would we have a $144-dollar-bill? (Did I lose anybody on this one?)

What if God really has me right where he wants me, and this is really it? Could I get past this feeling of discontent about my career, and get back to looking for His will in my everyday existence? (And I must comment here that a 'normal' person would probably be very happy with the career God has given me thus far; I am quite blessed.)

What if blue was actually green, green was actually red, and someone read my blog on a regular basis?

What if, when I spoke to a close friend a year or two ago about whether God could be calling me to ministry, and when he asked me to give him my resume so he could pass it to a few people...what if my answer (no, no, this isn't the right time, I think God wants me to get my house in order first) was just so much smoke, and I was (am?) too afraid to step out and see what God might have in mind for me?

What if God made our nostrils the same size as our fingers for a reason ? (Hey, its a valid question.)

What if I just go to bed and figure all this out later?

B

Deep Breaths

2005-05-20T15:48:00.000-05:00

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me
This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very Word spoken to me

And I...I'm lost without You
And I...I'm desperate for You
I'm desperate for You

For some reason God has used Michael W Smith's song Breathe to convict me over and over about the fact that, while the lyrics reflect who I want to be, my life often says otherwise.

The air I breathe smells more like my work or my family or worship ministry in general rather than God's presence. My daily bread tastes suspiciously like friends and family rather than the Word of God. And to really hear His word spoken to me? Not just to read the Word like a newspaper, or to hear a good sermon or discover a deep thought, but for God Himself to speak directly to me?

My faith tends to be less like breathing and more like bathing -- something I do regularly, but not constantly; something I do because I know I should, even because I sometimes long to be clean, but not because I realize that I would whither and die without it.

And so the chorus becomes a cry to God, to say that I long for the verse to apply to me, to describe me, but I'm lost, desperate, if He doesn't help me get there. There have been times when I've been singing this song, particularly when its been just between God and me, and if I let Him He'll sometimes use this song to...well, to ruin me. In a good way.

In the last couple of weeks I've seen this 'breathing' theme appear over and over again -- relating to the need to consistently surrender to God all day long, the need to continually communicate with my wife, the need to 'pray without ceasing', and on and on.

Oh that I would fully respond to God's Spirit rather than pulling away and getting wrapped up in anything and everything else. If I would more fully engage with Him, surely He'd resolve this ache, this longing for more purpose and direction in my life, for a career that makes a real impact on the world.

B

Hurry Up and Wait

2005-05-10T13:07:00.000-05:00

Seems like I'm in that kind of mode lately. For example, here I am posting on my blog, so you might think I have some free time on my hands. However, I'm actually running a data process on another computer, and killing a couple of minutes while it finishes. Then I'll scramble to get the results of that data process sent to a couple dozen people, and move on to the next task.

Similarly, as I've posted a few times, things are so busy for me personally that I feel like I'm hurrying all the time...and yet I am most definitely waiting on God to point me in a new direction. I'm asking, begging, pleading, and even feeling what I think are leadings that that is coming. Just not yet.

So I wait. Oh, gotta run, too much to do.

B

Go Go Go

2005-05-05T18:16:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post.

It's been a stressful couple of weeks, with my work in its peak season, and most weeknights taken up with church activities, not to mention redoubling my efforts to get close to my family. But for some reason, at this time, I really feel pulled toward God, a strong desire to seek Him, and I can't tell you how much I love that. Worship gets sweeter, prayer gets more passionate, and trust deepens.

The trust is probably the best part. I tend to like to be in control of things, or at least to have a plan, and when things are going so fast like this it often feels so chaotic to me that I don't make time to spend with God. Not that I shouldn't be spending more time with Him than I do, even now, but I feel like He's beside me sometimes lately, more often than in the past.

If he'd just talk a little louder. :-)

B

Scattershoot

2005-04-24T16:18:00.000-05:00

My mother came down Saturday for a few minutes, mainly to see her grandkids, but while she was here she planted a few flowers in the front flowerbed and directed me on moving a tree in that same bed so that it wasn't so close to the house. Once the tree was moved I attempted to brace it the way it had been, only to find that of the 3 or 4 stakes, only 2 were left, so the two I pushed back in the ground probably won't be enough to keep it from leaning over. I guess I'll have to go buy something to take care of that, but I must confess that my expertise in this little project was at the breaking point the moment I picked up a shovel...

I was fairly disgusted to find that the mulch was covering piles of clumped-up concrete, which apparently was left in the bed after the construction ended.

************************

'Just for fun', I took a career assessment test online yesterday, and was rewarded with a list of the 10 best careers for someone like me. Of the 10, 5 were variations on a theme of either professional musician, actor, or writer (translation: in my dreams).

Two were totally unexpected: decorating and art work and occupational safety. ...o...k...

And the other 3 were:

Psychological Research
High School/University teacher
Trade Management, which is described as 'managing design and implementation projects, such as ... computer programs' - which is, ironically, what I do today.

While the 'other' 2 above are interesting, both would require moderate to extensive additional education, so ... let's just say probably not right now.

Well, gotta run. God is still good, y'all.

Deja Vu

2005-04-14T22:34:00.000-05:00

My wife asked me tonight if I'm ok. Apparently I looked a little sad. If you read my previous post, no, it didn't have anything to do with no longer working from home, or Piper, or Christian, or my wife.

For several weeks I've been finding myself frustrated with my job, longing for some more meaningful way to make a living. Wondering again about the 'calling' that I wondered about, that I wondered if I was hearing or was being prepared for. So I talked to Celeste about what I'm feeling.

Basically, here's what I said:

Here I am wondering again about the leadings I've thought God
has given me about my calling, or the calling that he may be
preparing me for. All the verses that I thought he gave me, all
the personal interpretations I found for them that made me
think he was preparing me for some kind of role in full-time
ministry – was that really God speaking to me? Or was that some
part of myself, longing for something as simple as a career
change, imagining things that God was not really saying?
Tonight I still think those things were his voice, I still
believe that – with the caveat that while I trust him, oh how I
want to trust him fully, but I absolutely don't trust my own
heart and my own ambition to sit down and shut up and let him lead.

The interesting thing is that after talking to Celeste about this, a few minutes later I was on my computer, reading through some old files where from time to time I journaled. And the thing is that the text above came from one of those journal entries -- from March 11, 2004, a little more than a year ago.

And so I am forced to face the fact that I am mentally and emotionally in the very same place right now that I was in 13 months ago. Apparently I've made no progress related to my job and this elusive and possibly imaginary 'calling' that keeps circling my head like a spray of steam, one moment there, but the next moment maybe not.

What I wouldn't give for God to just tell me if that's my imagination or not. Fifteen months back I was seriously looking at applying for a job with a different employer, but I really think God told me to stay put, so I did. But he never said why, and he never said for how long. Past experience has taught me that I really need to obey the last directive he gave me, until he releases me from it or gives me a new directive.

So I sort of feel stuck.

I am left with the last statement from that journal entry a year or so back. I still want this to be my heart on the matter.

If these 'leadings' are of Him, they'll come to be. If not, they won't, and He's still my Lord and Master, and He still has the best possible future in store for me, and I will still trust him to lead the way.

Daddy's Girl

2005-04-12T16:02:00.000-05:00

Its happening. Of course, I knew it would. It really had to happen. I'm even glad its happening. I just didn't expect it to affect me.

Rewind. I've been working from home for the last couple of weeks, since Celeste has been unable to pick up Piper while she's been recovering from her C-section. So anytime Piper needed her diaper changed, or to be put down for a nap or to bed at night, or to be taken from her crib in the mornings, or to be put in her carseat to go to church, etc etc, that was my designated job. Not that I didn't do those things before -- but before I wasn't the only one.

Candidly, I really thought this was going to be a dreary chore. I enjoy working - on my computer, or on conference calls. I wasn't really looking forward to being Mr. Mom.

At the same time, Piper had to adjust from being our only child with all our attention to being one of our two children with half our attention. (And she continues to adjust to this, although she's doing very well.)

The combination of these things had an interesting result: I became the 'favorite parent', perhaps even the 'primary caregiver' during this time. She hugged me more, gave more kisses, asked for me more than she ever has. If she was crying, she came to me to be soothed. It was...wonderful.

Not to mention being here with Christian, my tiny son, getting to help take care of him. That's been awesome also.

Fast-forward to the present. Celeste has started to pick up Piper, change diapers, etc. Last night she put Piper to bed. Today I was working in the office and I heard Piper crying loudly in the kitchen; Celeste soothed her, and in the end she had Piper watching the popcorn pop in the microwave, and all was well.

Thursday or Friday, things will really begin to go back to 'normal'. I'll go in to the office, and I will stop working from home each day. Celeste will become the 'primary caregiver' again, and she'll probably start to pick up the 'favorite parent' status, at least most of the time, as she was before.

This is exactly as it should be. I wouldn't have it any other way.

So why is my throat tightening while I type? Must be allergies. I'm sure that's it.

B

He's My Son

2005-04-01T23:30:00.000-06:00

I am posting tonight one-handed, as I hold my 8-day-old son in my other arm. (Don't worry, I'll be careful. :-) I wish I were a good enough writer to express the feeling of holding his tiny, sleeping form against my chest, feeling and hearing his soft breaths.

I put my 20-month-old daughter to bed earlier this evening -- always a precious time also -- and holding my son Christian now, I realize how much I've already forgotten about newborns. How they have so little control of their little heads; how their bright eyes scan about when they're awake, taking in the world for the first time; how totally dependent they are on their parents.

(I must pause and comment that Christian is softly moaning in his sleep. I wonder if he'll talk in his sleep as his mother does?)

I think and pray about rearing my children, about helping them see the God of heaven through my own relationship with Him. How awesome of a responsibility is that? It's epic, really. I'm just glad that He is faithful to help.

Ephesians 2:10 proclaims that 'we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.' Lord, how great is Your workmanship, how amazing Your blessings! I lift up my son to You, both my children, and I pray that You would guide their steps into the good works You have prepared for them. May they know You intimately, Father God, and glorify Your holy name. Amen.

T Minus 23 Hours

2005-03-23T08:17:00.000-06:00

Well, we're just about there.

First, we're in the new house. Celeste was an unpacking machine the last few days, to the point that if you didn't notice the lack of pictures on the walls, you might not realize we just moved in. There are about 5 boxes remaining to be unpacked in the whole house. Not bad for a lady who's 9 months pregnant.

Last evening Celeste's parents arrived from Kansas, and my mom came down from Farmers Branch (or whereever she lives in that area :-) and we went out to dinner. Piper managed to be the primary source of entertainment, which is no surprise considering she was the only grandchild at a table including her parents and 3 grandparents.

This afternoon is Celeste's pre-op at the hospital, followed by a final pre-birth appointment with her OB. I'll leave work at 2:30 and meet her there.

And tomorrow morning we'll be at Harris Methodist hospital in downtown Fort Worth, bright and very early, to have our bouncing baby boy. I think the plan will be to have Celeste's folks bring Piper down when she wakes up, and if I recall the timing correctly from Piper's birth 19 months ago, that means they'll probably arrive just as the baby's being born.

I'm at the office now, waiting on a data process to finish, and I thought I'd post one last time before going from being the father of 1 to being the father of 2. I ask that you hold our family up to the Father above during this exciting time.

B

Many hands...

2005-03-19T14:48:00.000-06:00

...make light work, and Celeste and I were privileged to see this take shape today.

Our small group from church (and one or two others) came over to give us a hand moving, and we moved virtually everything in under two hours! It was really amazing to behold. It reminded me of the barn-raising scene in Witness, with Harrison Ford, where they showed the method used by the Amish (or Mennonites?) to build a barn from the ground up in a single day.

So I just wanted to take a moment to say thanks to our church family. I've read a lot lately about the church being a 'community', and I'm thrilled to say that I saw it in action today (and not for the first time).

Blessings,
Brian

2005-03-15T13:21:00.000-06:00

Can I just share my heart today? I've abstained from caffeine and chocolate for 35 days now -- not much of a feat really, particularly compared to some of the faithful at SBC who have gone without solid food for this same period of time; of course none of this compares with what Christ did for us.

Anyway, the purpose of my little 'fast' was to try to snuggle up to God once again. I have this tendency to go several months where I'm in His word, spending daily time with Him, and then get wrapped up in other things and go for months without spending much time with Him at all. So when the time came for the 40-day fast, I wanted to participate in order to end the self-imposed drought and reconnect with my God.

I'm ashamed to confess that there have only been about 7-10 days over the last 35 when I've really spend quality time with Him (away from church, anyway). I have plenty of 'good' excuses, but in the end even a 'good' excuse is just an excuse. After all, I still find time to watch '24' every week, even if I have to record it and watch it late into the night. But I haven't been making time for the One who saves me.

And its not like I don't feel Him prompting me to hang with Him. I'll find myself thinking 'I should get in the Word', and then... [insert excuse #1436 here].

So I'm going to make a commitment now, right here: I will spend time with God each day the rest of this week. I was in the Word yesterday (and it felt sooo goooood!), and I spent a little time today. Anyone reading this, I invite you to ask me on Sunday whether I've followed through.

Oh, to have the mind of Christ, and His heart as well.
B

Blood from a Turnip

2005-03-07T10:49:00.000-06:00

I'm often a vegetable, but lately I'm most definitely a turnip. And I think my wife is too.

We sold our house in January and moved into a rent house while another house is being built. In the meantime I went on business travel for 2 weeks, which left my wife home with our 18 month old, Piper. When I finally came home, Piper picked up some kind of stomach bug, a nasty little virus that lasted a week or so. About the time she got better... I managed to get sick with what appeared to be the same bug. It hit me Friday, I was pretty pathetic Saturday, and felt better yesterday. Today I'm at work, but I'm a little queasy.

I have to say that my wife -- who happens to be 8 1/2 months pregnant! -- has been amazing through all of this. (Speaking of the pregnancy, some good friends threw us a baby shower last night at Spring Creek barbeque, and we had a great time.)

Meanwhile, the new house is finished except for inspections, so we'll do a final walk-through this Thursday or so, and barring something unexpected happening (please God don't let anything unexpected happen) we'll close on the new house the following Thursday the 17th. Then we'll move in the weekend of Friday the 18th.

And then the following Thursday the 24th, we'll have our second child (scheduled c-section, so the date is pretty firm).

Did I mention that I'm responsible for a corporate-wide project at work that was supposed to wrap up just before the new baby is born, and that events have transpired in such a way that the end-date was moved till early April? You would think that the end-date slipping is good, but actually it means that I'll probably have work pending on March 24 and the days to follow, when I'd rather be focused on my family. No pressure, though, right?

A friend of mine told me one time that he was under a lot of pressure in several ways, and that he wondered about bleaching his hair and escaping to Mexico, never to be seen again. Honestly, three things keep me from stealing his idea:

Despite all of this mess, my wife and daughter are so awesome. Celeste almost never complains, despite my absence for those two weeks, despite having to change 9/10ths (or more) of the nasty diapers Piper had with the stomach flu (I wasn't home much to change any diapers that week), etc. Celeste is phenomenal. And as for Piper -- have you seen my daughter's smile?
I also get a lot of peace from spending time with my 'extended family' from church. In particular, worshiping alongside the rest of the worship team easily recharges my batteries, whether on a Sunday morning with the whole body or on a Tuesday night in practice, or anytime inbetween.
Perhaps most importantly: I think I'd look pretty silly with bleached hair.

I'm just praying that I can survive till March 24, and that God will help me be able to disengage from all the other 'urgent' issues on that day and at least a few days following, so I can focus in on the most important ones.

*******************
What else is keeping me up lately (as if I need something else):

John 12:49 (Jesus speaking) "For I did not speak of my own accord, but the Father who sent me commanded me what to say and how to say it."

Can I put a bow on that for ya? God didn't just tell Jesus what to say... God told Him how to say it. God apparently had some very specific objectives, even in the way that Christ said what He said. Could the same be true in my life? I find myself praying a lot about what to do, and often don't feel like I get a clear answer -- dare I pray for the how as well?

B

Small Victories

2005-02-20T14:58:00.000-06:00

Last week was a long week, or seemed that way. I was in Washington all week (actually Falls Church, VA), going to meetings all day, then scurrying back to the hotel each evening to test some changes to a system I manage, testing until 10:30pm or even midnight or later.

There was one evening, Thursday I think, when we finished testing just before 10:30, and as usual I was too wound up to go to bed. I considered turning on the TV, but figured that was a bad idea in a hotel room by myself. I also considered playing a game on my computer, and booted it back up with thoughts of 'just playing for a few minutes' (I rarely play PC games these days, because if I start I can't seem to stop).

So while it was booting up, I opened my Bible. The truth is, I thought I'd have lots of time in my room to spend in the scriptures, but between the testing and the need for sleep, that hadn't happened. I opened up to John 11, and found myself stuck on verses 9 and 10.

Background: Jesus had learned that Lazarus was sick, and after waiting a couple of days He announced that he was headed to see Lazarus. His disciples pointed out, however, that the last time He'd been in Lazarus' neighborhood, the locals had tried to stone Jesus. They asked, 'Are you really going to go back there?'

9Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours of daylight? A man who walks by day
will not stumble, for he sees by this world's light. 10 It is when he walks by
night that he stumbles, for he has no light.”

Now, I looked at that verse for some time, asked God about it, and finally looked in the study notes in my Bible, where I read that this verse probably means that there is enough time to do what is necessary, but no time to waste.

No time to waste.

I found myself looking back at my laptop, now booted up and ready for me to play. I really wanted to play. I haven't played any PC games in quite some time.

Twelve hours of daylight. No time to waste.

No time to waste.

If this seems silly, so be it. But if there's a chance He was talking to me, even if He's not telling me what I want to hear, even if He's telling me things that seem ridiculously minor compared to the 'big' questions I've been asking Him... if He's talking, I will listen.

I turned off my laptop, and prayed myself to sleep. And I slept very well, thank you.

B

Short and sweet?

2005-02-05T20:07:00.000-06:00

After posting last night I climbed into bed, thinking I would be at peace (tired from the move if nothing else), and I found myself wondering something about the thoughts I had posted:

God has certainly assigned me to lead my family toward Him; however, if that task has the clearest future impact and potential -- if it is really easier to see where that assignment leads than it is to see where my career is going or where my ministry service is going or my hobbies or income potential or my future in general -- then why is it that I find it so easy to get wrapped up in all those other things I have to/want to do, and I tend to let my family 'wait'?

B

For a Future Generation

2005-02-05T00:05:00.000-06:00

Psalm 102:18-22 (NIV)

18 Let this be written for a future generation,
that a people not yet created may praise the LORD :
19 "The LORD looked down from his sanctuary on high,
from heaven he viewed the earth,
20 to hear the groans of the prisoners
and release those condemned to death."
21 So the name of the LORD will be declared in Zion
and his praise in Jerusalem
22 when the peoples and the kingdoms
assemble to worship the LORD.

When I was in the hospital a few years ago with complications from appendicitis that nearly did me in, there was a time after the worst was over that I was no longer heavily drugged but I remained in the hospital for a couple of weeks. Between surfing the limited hospital TV channels looking for something other than Jerry Springer (having already watched all the Springer I could handle), I found myself wondering about what had just happened to me.

I had nearly died, but I was spared. I wasn't really sure why, and in many ways I still don't know. I was not a faithful follower of God at the time -- instead, I'd been showing up at church on Sundays so my folks would see me, and to see a friend or two, and other than that I was living a totally pagan lifestyle. I was really living for myself -- and doing quite well at it, in terms of academic and professional success, income, etc.

And yet, over a couple of weeks time, beyond my control, my life had nearly ended, and two basic questions buzzed around my ears. 1) If I had died, would I have gone to hell? and 2) What had I done with my life that made a whit of difference to anyone?

By the grace of God, He began to pull me into worship at church in ways I'd never experienced. Verses like 'Do not take me away, O my God, in the midst of my days' (Ps 102:24) began to bring tears to my eyes. And also by His grace, I came to a point where I have a confident answer to the first question that plagued me then.

That leaves the second question, which still keeps me up sometimes. Am I actively making a difference in and for His kingdom?

And that brings me back to the scripture I started with above. I pray that God is using my gifts for His glory, even if sometimes it's actually in spite of me. I am comfortable that He has me where He wants me in the body -- I don't feel unused or misplaced or anything like that.

But I think there is one particular task He has assigned to me where I can kind of see the long term goals and impacts to an extent: leading my wife and child(ren) to know and trust and love the One who saves us. Sometimes I'm not sure what the future holds in terms of what God has planned for me, but the potential future impact of leading my family toward Him is clear.

So here's to 'a future generation'. May we be and do as He wills. Bless His name!
Brian

Spirit of Freedom

2005-02-01T13:29:00.000-06:00

Last night was the first meeting of the Minister Search Committee, and I have to tell you that I am totally stoked about it. I think the meeting went extremely well, I am excited about the committee members that I get to serve with, and I very much enjoyed the discussion that took place around the table.

I'll describe some of the method to the overall search process, and then there was a particular issue that I'm curious about, wondering if anyone might read this post and have some thoughts.

The first part of the meeting, Ron explained what the process would look like, and in my words, it goes something like this:

First, the committee will work up a summary of what makes Southlake unique and special. This information will help us determine what qualities the minister will need to have to be successful at SBC, and it will help us communicate our attributes to prospective ministers so as to help them know why they would want to come to SBC rather than some other church.

This information will also help us in another way: it will help us to articulate areas where SBC's identity is currently undefined, so that the Shepherds and the committee can work to clarify and define those issues as appropriate, and thereby improve our sense of who we are and where we're headed. More on this in a moment.

Second, once the committee develops the information and the Shepherds have helped us shape it as God is directing our body, the process of actively seeking/vetting/interviewing candidates will begin. We haven't talked much about that yet; we've got to build the pool before we jump off the diving board.

So...one of the items that was discussed last night has been on my mind today, and I'd be interested in any input that anyone would care to give in this regard. In identifying items that make Southlake unique and special, someone mentioned one that I agree with, although it generated a lot of discussion later in the evening. The item was a 'Spirit of Freedom'.

I think that everyone in the committee agreed that SBC often gets feedback that we are a very friendly, accepting church, accepting even of people who have differing views about some (or many?) doctrinal issues. There was also valuable input from several on the committee that even while we allow 'freedom' among the beliefs of individuals in the body, the church as a whole should have some idea of what doctrinal perspectives it officially accepts and teaches. In particular, there was a comment that without defining some of these identity questions, our church has a tendency to lose some of its direction and vision as far as where we're going as a body.

So my brain is rattling away today, thinking deep thoughts. Which issues are mandatory for a believer? Which can be left to the believer's judgement within the body? What steps should SBC take to ensure that the teaching (from the pulpit or in a classroom) is consistent with the doctrines that SBC holds to (even if we don't mandate that all members must agree)?

Of course these questions aren't really new -- one person pointed out that this is how denominations came about in the first place, not because people didn't want to be unified, but because there was a strong difference in opinion as to where the line should be drawn about certain doctrinal issues. And it is curious to me that some of these same questions are raised in the McLaren books I posted about a few months ago. All in all, I find this to be absolutely fascinating. (I'm revved just typing about it.)

Clearly, we'll need the Shepherds to help us answer this question for SBC -- they have responsibility to ensure that SBC maintains doctrinal purity, and I'm glad we have them to help and lead us in this! But I think that the committee is sort of taking a role to identify some of the questions that need to be answered or clarified, and perhaps giving input to the Shepherds as to the perception of the body on some of these issues.

Any thoughts? Brian

Fragile

2005-01-24T17:10:00.000-06:00

I thought it was dying down, but lately it seems to be on the rise. Several times in the last couple of weeks I've heard it echoed on television, on the radio, in the media or in my office building... or I keep reading it from unexpected sources on the web. In my opinion, it is one of the most arrogant concepts imaginable.

The concept: The earth is fragile, and if we aren't careful, we'll destroy it.

Just today I read on a church website about 'protecting our fragile earth'.

Now, I'm not going to get into the specifics of the individual debates. In particular, there's plenty of information out there about global warming, 'Houdini the Vanishing Ozone Layer', etc -- I don't subscribe to these apocolyptic belief systems, but if you're interested, knock yourself out.

And I also don't want anyone to misunderstand me, as if I'm saying that we should just trash the planet. There are plenty of very real examples of men, women, companies and governments abusing the environment, and that must be dealt with. I mean, I'm annoyed by needless pollution the same as anyone else -- and incidentally, why is it that we all agree that throwing an empty McDonald's cup out the car window is littering and it's wrong, but it is apparently ok for a smoker to throw his cigarette butt out his driver-side window and onto my windshield on I-35?

Anyway, we should OF COURSE be good stewards of what God gave us. But let's not delude ourselves into thinking that we could destroy the earth. THE EARTH IS NOT FRAGILE. I'm getting to know the Architect and Construction Manager, and I'm pretty sure He made the earth to last until it has served His purpose for it. To think that we could slip up and accidentally end the world ahead of His schedule is not only hilarious, it's the height of arrogance.

Ahhh. Feels better to get it off my chest. :-)
B

9 Days

2005-01-19T10:02:00.000-06:00

Something hit me last night like a liger on a wicked rampage - our buyers want to close in 10 days, and they need to be out of their apartment just after that. When I heard that yesterday I thought, 'ok, 10 days, that's cool'.

Last night at about midnight it hit me what that really means. We've got to nail down where we're going to move to, pack, move, and close (presumably/hopefully on both houses) in 10 days -- and that was as of yesterday...now we have 9 days! And since Celeste and I just looooove a challenge, we're checking into a house that won't be finished until end of the month or early next month, which means we may end up needing to store all our sweet stuff for a week or two.

(And of course, the truth is that this could still fall through, though that seems unlikely based on the information we have, particularly compared to the near-sale that happened in the last few weeks.)

So ... hold on to your hats, ladies and gentlemen. We're about to kick it into overdrive. :-)

Oh, and by the way, I took the Napoleon Dynamite quiz too -- see below -- although I already knew what the results would be from my cousin who works as a ninja for the CIA.

Brian

Napoleon Dyanamite

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

God's Timing

2005-01-18T13:41:00.000-06:00

So Celeste goes to the doctor last Friday for a typical late-pregnancy checkup, everything is fine, and before she leaves the doctor goes ahead and schedules the C-section: Thursday, March 24. It's 10 weeks away, and if all goes as it has gone so far, we already know our child's birthdate.

That kind of messed me up. In a few years the doctor will probably say, 'oh, you'd like to have a baby? Let's just schedule the birth now, say for a year from today. That way you have time for another vacation before morning sickness sets in.' Ok, probably not, but its still weird that we can know (or at least plan) the timing of the birth this far in advance.

And speaking of timing, last week the sale of our house fell through. We were disappointed, but we got over it -- because we know God is driving the bus.

Well, today we got another offer. It nets out to be slightly more than the previous offer, which is great. This buyer appears to have all the loan details worked out already, which is fantastic. They want to close by the 28th -- 10 days -- which is scary. The 'dream home' we had found has already sold to someone else, which is frustrating. But we have a lead on another house with the same floorplan, which is exciting...although we're trying not to get our hopes to high.

God's timing is perfect, and He has a plan. We will keep trusting Him. After all, is there really any viable alternative?

Grace and peace, Brian

Rollercoaster

2005-01-11T17:40:00.000-06:00

The past couple of weeks have been a rollercoaster, and unfortunately the end of the ride was not terribly pleasant.

We have had our house on the market for several months, trying to sell it and move into a one-story home, so as not to have to work to keep Piper (and soon the one in the oven) off the stairs. Additionally, we are hoping to end up with one more bedroom than we have now, to have a place to keep the computer and a guest bed.

Over the holiday week in December we landed a contract on our house. It was really exciting, but it left us (me mainly) anxious to get started on finding a new house and doing the many things that would need to be done.

Happily, we found a fantastic house, not only meeting the description above but brand new, complete with lots of upgrades, and most importantly a big discount without which the house would have been out of our price range. We were ecstatic, sending pictures of the house to friends, beginning to talk about how to arrange our furniture in the rooms. Mentally we had already moved in.

Then we got word yesterday that the financing for the buyer of our house is very probably not going to work out. And since our house apparently doesn't have a buyer, we certainly can't afford to buy a new house yet. We were stunned, disappointed in the extreme. It seemed like it should be raining outside instead of a sunny 70 degrees in January.

I went home promptly at the end of the workday. Celeste picked up some chocolate. And we wallowed.

We prayed some, mostly just asking God for peace and if possible to work this out. We also read the next bit for the weekly Bible study at church, John 8:12-30, and I'll say that I did get some peace from something Jesus said in verses 14-15. In defending His testimony about Himself, He says, "I know where I came from and where I am going," and points out that the Jews who were contesting his testimony didn't even know that much about Him.

And in my heart I realized that I know very little about where Jesus came from and where He went, and I know even less about my own life. Fortunately, He already knows the rest of my story.

Lord, I will trust You with my family, with our home, with my career. I will trust You. I will.

B

Missing my Family

2005-01-05T15:16:00.000-06:00

One time a couple years ago, a friend of mine was trying to get me to go somewhere on a Wednesday night, and I said no because I had church. My friend said, 'Won't God let you miss just this once?' I found myself smiling as I explained that its not that I'll feel guilty if I miss, or that I need a permission slip or something to be sure I get my Wednesday 'credits' toward a heavenly degree program.

The reason I hate to miss is because I love being there with my family, praising God, learning about Him, listening for Him. That was a fun day for me, realizing that I really felt that way about the body at SBC.

Having said that, I've missed being at Southlake for about 10 days now, and I'm practically itching to be there. I was traveling during the holiday week, then I was sick on Sunday and on Tuesday night. So tonight we have a gathering and I will be there.

How about you?
B

Going Home

2004-12-24T14:02:00.000-06:00

It's plenty cold, yet the sun is out and I can hear kids playing in the neighborhood. Piper is down for a nap, and I think Celeste actually is too, so not a creature is stirring in my house except me. The tree is lit up, the stockings are hung, the gifts are wrapped, and I am so very blessed. God is so good!

This evening there is a worship gathering at church, and I'm really looking forward to that. Worship is always good, but there's something about the Christmas season that seems to sort of wrap worship like a warm blanket. After that we'll come home and open a few gifts, then put Piper to bed and probably watch Bing in White Christmas.

On Christmas day we'll leave mid-morning for Tulsa, OK, to see a lot of my family there. We'll have a get-together Sunday afternoon/evening with my Dad, Jara, 5 of my siblings, along with associated spouses and children. On Monday we'll get with my mom, who will meet us at my sister's house there. I think the only one missing will be my older brother, who lives in Maryland -- and he'll definitely be missed.

I grew up in Tulsa, but haven't had Christmas there in 10 years, and I'm finding that going back is a little nostalgic. Things have changed a lot there, and yet much is still the same. One thing is sure: I will eat Mazzio's pizza while I'm there, or there will be trouble.

On Wednesday we'll pack up the van and drive on up to Salina, KS, Celeste's home town, to see her family. They have always had Christmas for their immediate family on New Year's Day, which is a huge blessing in answering the age-old question 'who will we visit for Christmas?' We'll return from Kansas on the 1st, and be back in time to be home at SBC again on Sunday morning.

All in all, the trip will probably be a bit hectic, and our biggest hope is that we can get Piper to sleep well while we're in so many 'strange' places. But even with all of that, in the end we're simply making a big loop, constantly going home. Home to Tulsa, home to Salina, then back home to Texas.

Is anyone else ready to go Home? Maranatha!
B

The Bible and PostModernity - Part I

2004-12-17T23:30:00.000-06:00

In McLaren's A New Kind of Christian, he spends a good deal of time talking about the Bible in terms of our understanding of it, how we follow it, and how we let it work on us.

McLaren points out that when it comes to interpreting the Bible, there is a continuum of perspective with conservatives at one end and liberals on the other. McLaren starts out by acknowledging the importance of parts of each of those positions. Conservatives are trying to maintain the integrity of the Word as it was written; Liberals are keen to ensure that we don't allow our current understanding of the Bible to keep us from questioning it, particularly in light of current scientific discoveries, etc.

He goes on to say that both groups view the scriptures through what he calls a 'grid of decency', which helps them determine which scriptures apply today and which don't. He says that many of the debates about the absolute authority of the Bible are really arguments about the traditional grid through which conservatives read the Bible.

McLaren gives some convincing examples (Paul said women shouldn't wear jewelry -- what's that about?), some ridiculous examples (polygamy is mentioned as if one of McLaren's characters thinks that the Bible condones it, which I found to be ridiculous), and finally an historical example (slavery was once defended by conservative Christians). And then he basically says that Christians should always be open to being corrected about our interpretations.

Generally, I think I understand McLaren's point. We as Christians need to stop living as though we have all the answers, because only God has all the answers.

At the same time I'm left wondering what that looks like with skin on it. It would have helped me if McLaren had stuck with examples that made good sense to me; by including polygamy as a questionable subject in scripture, he leaves me wondering when we cross the line between accepting differing 'grids' and accepting false teaching.

But then, maybe he did that on purpose, to stir the pot.

Brian

The Rug

2004-12-16T19:51:00.000-06:00

No, this is not a post about a hairpiece.

I was reminded this morning of something that Keith said in a message a month or two back about trusting God. He said that the thing about trusting God is that he'll never pull the rug out from under you.

As he said it that morning, my knee-jerk reaction was to think to myself, that's not true. I mean, after all, I've had the rug pulled out from under me many times. And then another thought struck me:

If that's true, then you must have been standing on the wrong rug.

Where are you standing these days?

Shalom, Brian

PostModern Christianity

2004-12-11T21:43:00.000-06:00

Its been quite a week. I came down with an upper respiratory infection early in the week, which made me almost lose my voice, and I stayed home sick from work for a couple of days. However, I've been to the doctor, got prescription, and am just about back to normal (whatever that means). So diving right in tonight:

Early on in McLaren's A New Kind of Christian, one of the characters asks the other to distinguish between postmodern Christians and traditional Christians. The other character responds by saying that, "...if you succeed in creating a postmodern framework, I think you've just sabotaged it." His point seems to be that in the Modern world we tend to reduce any subject down to a list of main points or themes, and in so doing we oversimplify things and take them out of context to some extent. He seems to be saying that PostModernity, by its very nature, cannot be summarized in a few words.

But of course, the purpose of the book is to help people begin to recognize PostModernity and what its all about, so I don't think McLaren would object too much if I skip to the end and provide a summary of what he (or at least the PostModern character in the book) perceives to be the primary areas of change in a PostModern Christian.

That said, each of the items below are themes he highlights in the book. My plan is to post about at least a few of these items, maybe all of them, so as to flesh them out a bit, perhaps add a few thoughts of my own, and help my closer friends begin to think through some of these issues, perhaps more fully than we have before.

One more caveat before you read the list below. Looking over the list, I suspect that someone with a conservative Christian background (like my own) might read that list and become concerned for McLaren (or even for me in reading this book and writing about it here). I mean, if I were to read a headline saying that Christians should 'change their posture in relation to other religions,' I would possibly infer that the writer must believe that Jesus isn't the only way to God. But that's really not what that bullet is talking about, and several of the others are not exactly what they seem as well. So...if you're tempted to read that list and blow this off, stay with me a little bit longer.

Sorry, one other caveat: I'm no expert in any of this, only an interested party, so in the list below or in the following posts I may have some of these wrong or at least off-kilter. Still, I think they are good food for thought:

Important Areas of Change for PostModern Christians

Our understanding of the Bible, how we follow it, and how we let it work on us
Our posture in relation to other religions
Our releasing of the ways in which our faith has been enmeshed with modernity
Our exploration of theology free of the constricting, reductionistic categories of modernity
Our escape from the narrowing of the gospel to an individualistic story about saving souls to a missional, communal, and global story about saving the world
Our discovery of forms of authentic spirituality that are broader than our modern pietism

More to come shortly. Peace and love, and Merry Christmas,

Being Positive...and the Dance

2004-12-06T20:45:00.000-06:00

I finished McLaren's A New Kind of Christian last week, and around the same time I was skimming back through some of my previous posts (is that vain? I'm new to this whole blogging thing...), and I couldn't help but notice that most of the posts about the book have been pretty negative. This is particularly unfortunate because the truth is that I agree with most everything in the book. I guess I tend to read critically sometimes, and as a result I focus on things that I question or disagree with rather than focusing on things that seem right or even obvious.

With that in mind, I went back through the book and made note of some of the many great points McLaren makes, and I thought I'd post a comments about some of those items over the next few days. (Besides, considering some of the unfortunate things my church is going through right now, it's good for my spirit to put some effort into being positive.) So without further ado...

The Dance

In several places in the book, McLaren points out that many Christians (myself included) have been conditioned to think of evangelism sort of like a sales pitch. We go to a car dealership and the salesperson is usually polite, helpful, etc, but as soon as they can they'll ask some variation of the question we all probably recognize: 'what would it take to earn your business today?' Similarly, according to many sermons, radio programs, classes, and tracts (!) in my experience, the point of evangelism is often about 'getting your butt into heaven' (McLaren's words).

McLaren goes on to point out that this approach runs the risk of 'attracting people who want salvation from hell without actually wanting salvation from sin,' as if the saved are 'chosen for privilege, not sacrificial service.'

Additionally, he points out the individualism of this approach to evangelism can come across as downright evil. For example, he explains, "a good-hearted person might respond, 'I love my neighbor, and if you're offering me something that my neighbors can't have, then I don't want it.' However, if it were put in the service context, ... the reverse would be true: 'I love my neighbors, and if receiving God's salvation will help me help them, then I want it!' "

Elsewhere, McLaren goes on to re-frame evangelism in a different way:

Instead of conquest, instead of a coercive rational argument or an emotionally intimidating sales pitch or an imposing crusade or an aggressive debating contest where we hope to 'win' them to Christ, I think of it like a dance. You know, in a dance, nobody wins and nobody loses. Both parties listen to the music and try to move with it. In this case, I hear the music of the gospel, and my friend doesn't, so I try to help him hear it and move with it. And like a dance, I have to ask if the other person wants to participate. There's a term for pulling someone who doesn't want to dance into a dance: assault. But if you pull someone in who wants to learn, and if you're good with the music yourself, it can be a lot of fun!

And that reminds me of the lyrics from a great song we sing at church sometimes:

We will dance on the streets that are golden,
The glorious bride and the great Son of Man.
From every tongue and tribe and nation we'll join
in the song of the lamb!

May God's people listen to the music, and invite others to dance!

God bless,
B

Church Divisions

2004-12-05T21:00:00.000-06:00

I must say that I've never witnessed anything like what happened Sunday afternoon at church, and I hope I never do again. I heard it called a shouting match, and I wondered at one point if it might become a boxing match as well. I was really embarrassed at some of the behavior I saw.

I did happen to read something in McLaren's A New Kind of Christian that I thought was interesting at the time and that seems poignant given yesterday's meeting. Again, McLaren's book is written as a fictional conversation between a pastor and another individual, and the conversations cover a range of topics relating to Christianity in the PostModern world. In this paragraph, the pastor character has just related an issue that has come up within his church, and makes some general comments about how these divisive issues tend to develop within a church. He writes:

...these situations follow a pattern. Parishioners experience some personal offense – loss in power, hurt feelings about something. This causes withdrawal. They begin keeping a mental notebook, noting all additional offenses. “Demerits” add up, and a conspiracy theory develops. They can’t help but talk about it, and “concern” spreads. If I don't address it, they drift away, and their leaving adds a demerit in the mental notebook of others.

From my perspective this is a pretty accurate description of some of the events that led up to the meeting at church, and some of the comments that were made illustrated this well. Many at Southlake are well aware of the hurt feelings that one group had toward a particular Shepherd. Certainly we all heard a list of offenses (demerits?) Sunday from individuals in that group. And can anyone question whether a conspiracy theory was posed? People decrying that 'the truth would be welcome', implying that the Shepherds were hiding something, that they must have some alterior motivation for making decisions as they have. People saying that the Shepherds had no accountability for their actions. And it was specifically mentioned that other families had already left our church.

Frankly, if it weren't so heartbreakingly sad, it would be fascinating how closely McLaren's words mirror what has happened at SBC. (I hope it's obvious where the script above begins to veer from the direction the church is given in Scripture regarding relational problems. If anyone would care for me to elaborate, let me know.)

And I suppose someone might say that even if the quote above is applicable to this situation, that the last sentence is particularly applicable in that the problems still exist because our church leadership didn't address them. But I suspect that they've done more to address the problems than we realize -- just not publicly. Even in regards to the meeting, I appreciated the way they at least tried to manage the tone of the discussion by trying to use index cards to capture the questions, despite the fact that the meeting deteriorated into a shouting match anyway.

I've actually seen the 'index card question' method used very successfully in business meetings related to the outsourcing world, where groups of employees are being told that their current employer is outsourcing them to a different employer. Those meetings are also very tense, and could turn very ugly if they are allowed to go that route. To keep the meeting on-track, people are sometimes asked to write their questions anonymously on index cards, which can then be sorted into groups of redundant questions, and those questions are addressed as well as possible (not always perfectly but that's the real world). That way the meeting can end and people can move on without having seen who can yell the loudest.

My personal opinion is that I participated (along with much of the church) in the process to select our current Shepherds, and despite Sunday's demand from a vocal minority that they all step down, I will continue to submit myself to them. I still love and respect these men, and I trust them. Furthermore, relating specifically to the decision that was announced Sunday to let Keith go, even if someone doesn't fully trust the Shepherds for whatever reason, surely the fact that the rest of the staff are in agreement should mean something. I mean, if someone really believes that there's not a single trustworthy Shepherd or staff member at our church, I must suggest that they should begin looking for a place where they can worship and serve and at the same time trust the leadership of the body.

Anyway, as this is heavy on my heart right now I thought I'd post a few thoughts. I wonder how long it will take our church body to move beyond this...

Grace and peace, Brian

Evocative

2004-11-26T18:33:00.000-06:00

Still reading A New Kind of Christian. Several things on my mind about the book right now, but the one that is ringing the loudest in my ears is the concept that Christ was evocative in his teachings, not only saying things that people didn't expect, but even saying things that he had to know would stir up his listeners and bring a fairly mixed response.

McLaren gives several examples of this, all of which I agreed with, but I found my own while looking at this week's scripture for the study I'm in on Sunday mornings in John. I was in John 6, and Jesus is teaching in Capernaum. As Jesus is teaching, he comments that he had 'come down from heaven', sent by God.

The people responded incredulously, saying that (in my words) 'we know his parents, Joseph and Mary, so how can he say he came down from heaven? It's not like he just stepped off a cloud...' They might even have been insinuating what they probably heard about Mary's pregnancy, reminding people that Mary was certainly pregnant when she married Joseph, and I suppose bringing to mind questions of who Jesus' father really was. But I digress...

So the crowd is already stirred up. But Jesus doesn't explain himself, doesn't defend his declaration about himself (at least not at this point), and he doesn't stop there. He goes on to say that He is the bread of life, and that people who eat the bread of life will live forever. And the crowd gets even more stirred up ('how can he give us his flesh to eat?').

Now, we know today what He was talking about. We've heard about it all our lives. But at the time, the people were already offended by his comments about having come down from heaven, and then he goes on to say (from their perspective, I surmise) that they'd have to EAT HIM to live forever. (Anyone remember that movie Alive, about the rugby team that crashed in the Andes and had to eat each other to survive?) Needless to say, the crowd was totally shocked.

So Jesus stops there, right? He lets them chew on that before throwing anything else at them, right? Nope. Despite their reaction, despite the fact that they were obviously not on the same page with him, he says this in John 6:53-58

53 ..."I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. 54Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. 55For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. 56Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him. 57Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. 58This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your forefathers ate manna and died, but he who feeds on this bread will live forever."

He pushes them right over the edge. It's like the 'shock and awe' approach to teaching about God. He repeats that people will eat his flesh, adds that people will drink his blood, repeats both of those things several times (in case someone didn't catch it) and in the next few verses as people are turning to leave in disgust he asks if he offended them!

Again, the people couldn't have understood what he meant at that moment, unless the Spirit revealed something to them, and I don't think that's the case (there's no mention of that in the text, anyway). It's like, the point is, either you trust Him or you don't. Even if it sounds like the craziest, most truly insane, maniacal declaration you've ever heard -- either He's the One and is telling people what God wants them to hear, or not.

And then he asks the Twelve whether they'll leave too, based on these words he just spoke. But even though I'm pretty sure they're as clueless as the rest, they at least have made a decision that's helpful: they're with Him, no matter what.

Having read this a hundred times, its like I've never read it before. I wonder how often God says things to my heart that I dismiss outright as ridiculous? I wonder what I miss by my lack of faith? I wonder...

B

Giving Thanks and Other Stuff

2004-11-21T16:52:00.000-06:00

It's Thanksgiving week, and I thought it only proper to post a list of some of the things I'm most thankful for this year:

I have the most amazing family. My wife loves me (almost as much as I love her), she's gorgeous, and she spoils Piper and me rotten. My daughter is adorable, she's gotten big into giving hugs and kisses without being asked, and she has the sweetest smile I think I've ever seen. And we found out the other day that the 'one in the oven' is a boy! I'm very thankful to God for my family.
I may be going bald, but my haircuts cost nothing. Seriously, that's huge. No, seriously!
I live in what I truly believe is the greatest nation on earth, where I am free to pursue my dreams, where I am free to say what I like, and where I can worship as I please. Praise God! And may He help me not to take these things for granted!
Chocolate. Always thankful for chocolate.
I am so thankful for Southlake Church. I know God is working through His body all over the world, but my friends -- my family -- at Southlake are so precious to me. I'm glad to be in a place where so many people have such a real desire to know God, more and more.
Dubya won. (Not that I ever really doubted...)
I have a good job, if frustrating sometimes, where I make a comfortable living. And I have great friends there who really care about me.
Did I mention my family? They're awesome.

That's probably enough for now. I thank God for each of these blessings. And I pray that you and your family would have much to be thankful for as well!

Grace and peace, Brian

A Little Turbulence, but the Flight Continues

2004-11-15T21:38:00.000-06:00

Ouch. Part-way through chapter 4 (I think that's the right chapter number) I hit a paragraph that got into 'conservative' versus 'liberal', and it was like running into a briar patch (but not as the rabbit).

I went ahead and finished the chapter, gave it a few days to let it simmer, then went back through it again. In the end, what I decided was giving me heartburn was the fact that McLaren commented in several different ways that we need to transcend the ideas of 'conservative' and 'liberal', and take the discussion to a higher level -- which is probably a good idea in many respects. But from that point forward he consistently slaps the hands of 'liberals', then turns and gives 'conservatives' a mushroom-cloud-size nuke.

For example, he gives a laundry list of ways that conservatives have 'gotten too comfortable' in using scripture to justify their actions, including perpetuation of slavery, marginalization of minorities and exploiting the environment, etc. Meanwhile, he has a single line about how liberals have 'gotten too comfortable', and in their case the only problem was (in my words) that they didn't have clear enough direction as to how to be good people. (Is there any question which way McLaren leans, when he's not 'transcending' the argument? And if you're wondering, I consider myself a conservative, politically speaking.)

Now, I suppose if I don't fit his description of a conservative, that might make me a liberal, in which case I guess I'm a pretty good guy already and I just need more direction. :-) Seriously, though, it seems to me that he conspicuously excluded identifying any areas that liberals have justified problematic behavior with scripture -- or perhaps it would be more correct (given his definition of a liberal) to say that he conspicuously avoided listing problem areas that have been caused or exacerbated by the lack of clear standards amongst liberals (given his definition of 'liberal').

I've kicked around several theories for why he would do that -- primarily that McLaren leans toward the 'liberal' side of the line when he's not 'transcending the discussion' (some of the political commentary on his website seems to make that clear), or possibly that McLaren's got a beef with conservatives because there is little doubt that they are his biggest critics -- but in the end, it doesn't really matter. I'm happy to say that, while I'm confident that McLaren and I don't share the same perspective on national politics, I have yet to see anything specifically relating to Christian Postmodernism (as McLaren describes it so far in the book) that is really inconsistent with what I believe.

So far, the most uncomfortable thing I've read about Christian Postmodernism (the thing that made me stretch the most) had to do with whether or not the Bible is authoritative. McLaren seems to say both yes and no depending on what page I'm on, so I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that the yes's are correct, and that when I think he's saying 'no' I'm just misunderstanding him.

To drop down in the weeds for a moment, McLaren argues (in my words) that the Bible is authoritative, but that we shouldn't be too confident in our understanding of anything we read there. Now, I frankly don't know how someone can really live in that state of mind about everything in the Bible. Not that we need to bash anyone over the head with what we believe based on Biblical teaching, but I have to think that there must be something that McLaren believes Christians can all agree on, regardless of culture. After all, Jesus Christ is the Son of God, right? God created the heavens and the earth? I find myself wondering whether McLaren would say that if we believe those things wholeheartedly we are taking a Modern approach to the text. But again, I'm willing to believe that I'm probably misunderstanding him.

One last thing and then I'm done (I promise). At the end of my last post I took a moment to say that no one should call me a Postmodern Heretic (or not yet). I must say as of the end of this post that no one should think that I don't like McLaren, or that I don't think he makes valid points. The heartburn I described above about conservatives/liberals didn't show up until page 50, and he had moved on to another (more comfortable) subject 3 pages later; so clearly most of what he is saying is consistent with what I believe. Further, I haven't even finished the book yet -- this is a running commentary -- so I am intentionally not making up my mind as I continue on this path.

I commit that I will continue to do my best to read the book objectively and critically to an extent, and continue to flesh out the raw concepts of Postmodern Christianity.

Blessings to you,
Brian

Out of the Chute

2004-11-10T17:15:00.000-06:00

To Nino and the mysterious other individual who apparently stumbled onto my blog and took the time to encourage me to get into it...my thanks.

I must say, these are exciting times for me:

Celeste and I are blessed with a beautiful 15-month-old girl, Piper, and we're expecting our second child, due in late March.
Several things seem to be pointing me toward some sort of job change or even a career change in the near future. (Even if I stay with my current employer, the way things are currently going, it looks like my job will absolutely change in the next 6-12 months.) This is a good thing!
And on top of that, I'm in a sort of self-discovery mode right now, participating in a small group study of the book 'Wild at Heart', recently taking a test to help me identify my strengths, and trying to better ground myself in my faith.

Relating particularly to the self-discovery activities, one of my current interests is the concept of postmodern Christianity. I was first introduced to the idea as 'Emergent' Christianity, which is (from what I can tell) a particular group of Christians who are attempting to examine their faith to determine how much of it is truly Biblical, and how much of it has been influenced or even distorted by the 'modern' culture of the last several hundred years.

One of the leading voices in this group is Brian McLaren, and I've begun reading a book he wrote called 'A New Kind of Christian' in the last week or so, plus I've been reading some additional information from his website. Along the way I was surprised by two things:

First, I was surprised to realize that postmodernism is related to (though not necessarily the same as) the belief that there is no absolute truth. (This shows my ignorance I suppose.) If you don't know me, I'm a believer in absolute truth - a 'right' and 'wrong' that is bigger than what serves my own interests in a given moment. So my knee-jerk reaction was to think that this 'postmodern/emergent' stuff is not going to be for me.

Second, after having the thoughts above, I read the first few of chapters of 'A New Kind of Christian' and so far I'm even more surprised to find that I haven't read anything about postmodernism that particularly bothers me. The concept so far strikes me as an ideology that questions everything, and doesn't take things at face value without really looking closely at it. McLaren comments in several places that 'younger' people have to some extent been exposed to postmodern thought their whole lives, and I suspect that's true of me.

One caveat: McLaren himself strikes me as a bit on the 'elite academic' side of the world, tending to position his arguments as if to say that his thoughts are really obvious, then adding in phrases indicating that he could maybe, possibly be wrong, but pretty clearly indicating that anyone who disagrees with him just doesn't understand. This is a bit annoying, but so far I think I've been able to separate my perception of his writing style from the details about postmodernism.

Now, don't anyone go reading this and decide that I'm a postmodern 'heretic' ... at least not yet. I'm still getting my arms around the issues, and I know I'm only on the threshold of what is involved in postmodernism. But I think it will be fascinating to see where this path leads. I wonder if anyone reading this will have a 'knee-jerk' reaction to postmodernism?

(How's that for a deep thought, right out of the chute?)

Brian

P.S. Have you talked with God today?

Is This Thing On?

2004-11-05T17:50:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure I'm really going to blog on a regular basis -- I just wanted to post a comment on a friend's blog, but found that I couldn't do that unless I had one of my own.

Having said that, if I thought anyone would actually read this...