Transformation

So I'm reading 2 Chronicles. The stories there of the kings of Judah are fascinating despite their redundancy -- so often the kings start off ok, but end badly.

Repeatedly, many of the kings of Judah do good things, Godly things, initially, but later in life they choose to go off on their own, ignoring God, ignoring prophets he sends to warn them, ignoring the lessons of their fathers'. Its like whatever faith they had initially, sort of petered out. It didn't have a long term impact on the way they lived their lives.

And so I find myself wondering about my own faith.

I do ok sometimes. Right now I'm in the Word most days, if only for a few minutes, and I'm trying to pray a few times a day. I pray over my kids at night. But I don't feel like I have a rock-solid faith, one that changes my actions very much. Except when I'm actively worshipping God in song, I typically feel like my faith is less in my heart, and more in my head.

I've also just started reading Bob Roberts' Transformation. Here's hoping that Roberts has some tips for me that will help drive my faith from my head to my heart.

Interesting quote from the introduction to the book:

I believe the basis of this transformation is a combination of the early church's example in Acts with what is emerging in the Eastern church. It is in startk contrast to the Western approach to discipleship, namely, the transfer of information through curricula. This approach results in educated converts who may grow churches, not necessarily radically transformed disciples who will change the world. --Bob Roberts, Transformation

The Shape of Anger

Celeste and I had an interesting conversation last night about anger.

You see, we have two small children. Both work to test us on a regular basis, pushing the boundaries, seeing how far they can go. Intentionally disobeying, throwing fits, you know the drill. And Piper, at her present age, is particularly good at this, in that she can actually articulate her rebellion. "NO!!!"

So I was praying about this on my way to work this morning, praying for Celeste and me to have peace as we respond to our kids in those times. It occurred to me as I was praying for peace that the anger itself is not really the problem, its just the shape of the anger.

Did you know that anger comes in many shapes? It comes in the shape of an enraged face. It comes in the shape of harsh words or shouting at the top of our lungs. Sometimes it comes in the shape of something leaning toward violence -- spanking a child in anger, when the parent out of control, is not healthy, nor is breaking something, or punching the wall. (I had a friend in high school that punched a brick wall in anger; he broke several bones in his hand! Not healthy.)

But anger itself isn't a sin, and it's not unhealthy. Jesus got angry sometimes. God gets angry -- I seem to recall seeing the word 'wrath' in the Bible, attributed to God. Look it up!

But as we strive to be like the Father and the Son, I think we have to figure out ways to ensure that our anger is shaped by love. After all, the scriptures say that God is love -- as my friend Stephen points out, love isn't something he does, or something that describes him, it's what he IS.

So what in the world does love-shaped anger look like?

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On a side note, if you don't read the blog entries of Patrick Mead ... you should. He had a great line the other day: "Jesus did not go to Calvary so I don't have to go to the movies by myself." Want the context? Read his blog! :-)

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Faith

If you missed it, guest speaker Toby Slough had a great lesson last night on Faith. He explained that Faith isn't simple belief, and -- pointing to the Faith chapters in Hebrews and particularly the story of Abraham sacrificing Isaac -- he defined faith as tenacious obedience to God, even when we don't know how things will turn out.

Its a lesson I needed to hear.

I've found myself thinking today of the impact this definition of faith might have on some other scriptures. I've replaced the word faith or faithful with tenacious obedience. (I know, there's more to it than this, but it might help to apply what Toby was saying.)

• Matthew 13, Jesus '... did not do many miracles there because of their lack of tenacious obedience.'
• Matthew 25, 'Well done, good and tenaciously obedient servant! You have been tenaciously obedient with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
• Matthew 17, Jesus explains: I tell you the truth, if you have tenacious obedience as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.
• Matthew 25, 'Well done, good and tenaciously obedient servant! You have been tenaciously obedient with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
• Luke 18, when the Son of Man comes, will he find tenacious obedience on the earth?

Thoughts, anyone?

Odds and Ends

Two things:
First, it's pronounced 'mic - CAIN'. Not 'mic KEEN', and not 'mic KEE un'. 'mic-CAIN'. Long 'A'. Rhymes with McBrain ... or it would, if McBrain were a word. Normally I don't really worry about how it's pronounced, but someone at my office with an unfortunate, nasal voice (her natural voice, unfortunately for her) just called me 'brahn mic KEE un' and something inside me ... just ... snapped.

Second, I've waited long enough. Well, sort of. I've decided that I have another option in the old 'wait and see' game that I think God's playing with me. While I'm waiting, I think I'm going to get my MBA. Along those lines, it looks like I have to take the GMAT. Any tips, suggestions, comments?

Band of Brothers

I don't make it to the movies much these days. That's a big deal for me -- there was a time when I was at the movies several times a week -- but now I have 2 small children and other things that make the movie theater a once-in-a-while thing instead of a staple of life.

Having said that, I think that my interest in movies may also be declining. Celeste and I went to the video store the other day and I only found a few movies that I could muster up any interest in ... despite the fact that I had hardly seen a single movie on the 'New Release' wall. Either I'm getting pickier (is that a word?), or Hollywood is getting ... er, suckier (could that even BE a word?).

Anyway, a friend recommended Band of Brothers a while back. Not a movie, but an HBO mini-series. We rented the first DVD over the weekend. I am totally hooked.

I've always enjoyed a good war flick -- exciting, powerful battle scenes, etc -- but in addition to that, I'm very impressed by how real the characters come across.

As a matter of fact, the reality of the characters, and the 'true story' being told, really sets me to thinking about how cushy my life is. Watching those guys in the plane, waiting to jump into France on D-Day, I had an uneasy feeling in my gut. Could I handle that kind of terrible anticipation?

And then last night, episode 3 or 4, watching another soldier totally panic in the midst of battle, cowering and even screaming in fear. Eventually, an officer helps him get it together enough just to stand and shoot his rifle at the enemy. Would I be brave enough to stand and fight to defend myself and others? I mean, really?

Who knows. I sure don't. I struggle just to live by faith in a land where there's a church on every suburban streetcorner. I'm very thankful to have a 'Band of Brothers' of my own, who challenge and support me even in my weakness.

But I am so glad that the previous generations were so brave, and that others in my own generation are willing to defend themselves, and me, today.

May the Prince of Peace come soon.
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As Much A Gift

Philippians 1:29, The Message
There's far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There's also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting.

One of my current struggles is differentiating between trusting in Christ and taking action on my own. I sort of feel like the last thing I heard was to stay put in my current job, more than three years ago, and I'm trying to be obedient to the last thing I (thought I) heard rather than acting on my own to make a change. I'm basically being told to do something that I just don't want to do: wait.

So I read that verse and I find myself thinking that perhaps, just maybe, this waiting is a form of 'suffering' for Christ, in addition to a time of expanding my trust in him. I hesitate to say that, since I'm not really 'suffering' in a physical sense. I mean, Paul was incarcerated, not to speak of what Jesus went through; I've got nothing on them. Honestly, this is probably about the nicest 'waiting room' anyone could ask for.

But my Strengths (as in 'Now Discover Your Strengths') start off with 'Strategic' and 'Achiever', and I'm really struggling to not make a big-picture plan, set some goals, and get after it. That's what I do. Its who I am.

And yet. Who I WANT to be is an obedient servant of the King.

So I'm going to trust, and wait. I'll grit my teeth if I have to. Pound my head against the wall from time to time as necessary. And I'll keep asking God to give me a clue.

There's far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There's also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting.

From Defense to Offense

It occurred to me today that I spend most of my time playing spiritual defense.

I struggle to take lustful thoughts captive instead of giving them control. I struggle against tailgating the guy that just cut me off on the freeway. I struggle not to be so selfish. And on and on.

I spend most of my energy battling the path of 'what I don't want to do, I do'.

And it seems like when I try to move beyond that, I stall out. I tried early this year to have more discipline regarding daily time with God. That lasted a few weeks, and trailed off. Today I'm back to forcing myself to be in the word for at least a few minutes, every few days. (On a side note, I think I am frustrated that God doesn't seem to want to talk about what I want to talk about. Foolish of me, but true nonetheless.)

I have done decent 'work' at praying in the truck, or spending that time in real, heartfelt prayer -- but honestly, there are few alternatives behind the wheel. When I really have an alternative, I find myself either working through my ever-lengthening 'to do' list at the office, or hoping to just vegetate at home.

It occurred to me today that I really am not strong enough to make the shift from D to O. I have tried more times than I can tell you, to no avail.

So here's what I'm starting to pray: that God would turn the game around by his strength, by his power. Mine obviously is not enough, and I'm sure it was never supposed to be.

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