I'm in one of those dry times, when my relationship with God feels more like work than joy. Not that there aren't joyful times -- even now I feel very close to God when I'm singing my head off, and even when I'm just playing the bass and not singing; and anytime I feel close to God, there is tangible peace and joy in that.
But most of the time ... lately I feel like I'm kind of on my own. I know this isn't Truth. Its just how it feels to be in a dry time, I think.
But I think God is actively reaching out to me (as usual!). I've been inundated with thoughts, scriptures, blogs, comments, etc -- all about prayer. One that struck a disonant chord with me was Jeremiah 33:2-3, which showed up as a verse of the day over the weekend in my Google Reader:
“This is what the LORD says, he who made the earth, the LORD who formed it and established it—the LORD is his name: 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”
This is an uncomfortable verse for me, because this has not really been my experience. At one point in my life, I really thought I was hearing from God as I read scripture and prayed. But if the messages I thought I heard were directing my actions or prophesying things to come, the latter have not occurred, and the former, on close inspection, are suspiciously close to what I might have chosen to do anyway. In other words, I'm not sure I was really hearing God at all -- very likely I was just hearing what I wanted to hear.
I choose not to let this diminish my faith. The God of the universe doesn't make mistakes, but I sure do. So I will chalk my confusion up to a misunderstanding on my part. I'll keep trying to live in the way Jesus clearly called his followers to live.
But that still leaves me in a position to seriously question anything I think I hear from God ... to the point that I wonder if I'm turning into Thomas. You know, the one who said he wouldn't believe Christ had been resurrected unless he could personally touch the nail-holes in Jesus' hands and feet?
Winding back around, though, it sounds like God is suggesting that I pray. That certainly is consistent with what he would ask of any of his kids. And it isn't asking very much.
So I'll pray. And I'll even listen. But if I hear a voice ... I'm not sure what I'll be able to do with that.
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1 comment:
Brian,
I think that we all go thru these times when we don't hear God as clearly as we would like or feel His presence as closely as we would like. It may be a dry time or it may be that we need to adjust our antennas a little bit. Always know that God is there with you in all you do.
Hope all is well with you and your family.
Marc
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